I made a list of every crime committed in The Office and it only took seven months
Below I’ve listed every law that was broken in The Office (from destruction of property and battery to homicide and kidnapping) whether legal action was taken or not, as well as ideas that people had that were illegal; I’m not a legal expert, I just have a lot of much free time (I labeled the episodes the same way that Netflix does.) S1E3: Dwight claims that multiple people in the office forged medical forms for their health insurance plans S1E6: Michael claims that Dunder Mifflin employees in the 80’s constantly used cocaine S2E1: Pam, Kelly, and Phyllis reveal that there is something written on the women’s bathroom wall, later Pam reveals to Jim that she was the one who wrote it; people throw food at Michael (would fall under battery) S2E2: Packer reveals that he’s been convicted of a DUI S2E3: Dwight reveals that sometimes teenagers use his farm for sex (depending on their ages, this may be illegal as the Pennsylvania age of consent is sixteen) S2E6: Dwight punches Michael in the stomach twice with considerable force (Michael does bait him into doing it though) S2E8: Jim punctures a hole in Dwight’s “fitness orb” with a pair of scissors; it is implied that a former accountant killed himself; Dwight reveals that he made a copy of Michael’s key to the office S2E10: Meredith flashes Michael in his office S2E11: Michael tells everyone on the cruise that the ship is sinking when there’s no danger (creating a false panic is illegal in most cases) S2E12: Dwight crashes his car into a telephone pole outside of the office and leaves his bumper in the street S2E14: Michael says that Packer once held a man’s head into a toilet; it is also implied that Packer was the one who defecated in Michael’s office S2E15: Michael causes lots of damage in the warehouse by improperly using the lift (he also doesn’t have a license to operate it) S2E16: Michael jaywalks (technically illegal though typically not enforced); Michael comments that someone was pooping in a cardboard box in the subway S2E17: Dwight tackles Ryan, Creed, and Stanley to the ground S2E19: Michael finds out that he’s involved in a pyramid scheme S2E20: Dwight finds a joint in the parking lot (Pennsylvania didn’t make steps to decriminalize marijuana until 2014); Michael believes he unknowingly smoked marijuana at a concert; Dwight gives Michael some of his urine so that he can pass a drug test S2E21: Creed faces sideways after his company photo is taken, implying that he’s been arrested in the past S2E22: Creed steals casino chips and also admits to stealing things all of the time; Dwight kisses Angela and she hits him in response (though it seems like both parties were okay with the outcome) S3E1: Roy reveals that he was arrested for drunk driving S3E4: Creed reveals that the reason Ed Truck got decapitated was because he was driving drunk (though this was never confirmed and Creed tends to lie); the bird funeral is lit on fire (probably illegal as they did not have a permit and it was mainly paper and not wood) S3E5: Ryan and Dwight egg the front of Axelrod Ltd’s building S3E6: Jim rides his bike drunk (believe it or not, this is actually illegal) S3E7: Creed sells office equipment S3E8: Andy steals a computer from the Stamford office; after poking holes in everyone’s tires, Michael claims it was Vance Refrigeration workers that did it S3E9: It is revealed that Martin went to jail for insider trading; Kevin admits that insider trading sounds a lot like what he does as well S3E10: Creed removes a present from the charity box (removing uncollected items from charity drives is theft); Pam reveals that she has been sending fake letters from the CIA to Dwight, Jim later gets involved (illegal to pass yourself off as a CIA agent) S3E13: Andy punches a hole through the wall S3E16: Michael reveals that his eighth grade teacher hooked up with at least thirteen students; Dwight reveals that he hunted a werewolf as a child, but it’s more likely that he killed his neighbor’s dog; Dwight traps a bat in a bag over Meredith’s head S3E17: Creed reveals that he has a side business where he makes fake IDs for teens; Creed also reveals that he stole a laminating machine from the sheriff’s station; Dwight accidentally damages David’s roof while inspecting the chimney; Roy and his brother destroy multiple objects in a bar including a mirror, a chair, and multiple glasses (Roy’s brother later reveals that he paid off the bar owner to not call the cops on them) S3E18: Roy attempts to assault Jim in the office after finding out he kissed Pam; Dwight uses pepper spray on Roy when he attempts to assault Jim (this was done defense of Jim however); Jim reveals that Dwight has weapons such as nunchucks and throwing stars hidden in the office; Dwight uses pepper spray against Andy; Dwight is found to have more weapons hidden in his desk such as brass knuckles, a police baton, and a taser S3E19: Darryl reveals that Michael once kicked a ladder out from under him and caused him to break his ankle; Michael accidentally smashes a watermelon on the roof of someone’s car; Michael tries to convince the office that he’s going to commit suicide S3E20: A former Dunder Mifflin employee from the paper mill put a watermark of two cartoon animals having sex on about five-hundred boxes-worth of paper; Creed frames Debbie Brown from the paper mill for not catching the watermark on the paper, which results in her termination; it was revealed that Andy was unknowingly dating a high schooler (only illegal if they had sexual contact); Andy reveals that he and his high school girlfriend knocked over a mailbox with her friends S3E21: Phyllis claims that she was flashed by a man in the parking lot; when Jim calls the police to report the flasher, he says that the police have already gotten three calls; Creed implies that he has flashed people in the past; Jan offers Michael money in return for him driving to New York and having sex (it is illegal to accept or pay money for sex, even if the other person is not a prostitute); Meredith throws her trash out of her car window onto the street while also driving recklessly; while parking her car, Meredith scrapes another car; Creed reveals that he uses the women’s bathroom for bowel movements and has “paid dearly” for it in the past; Dwight and Andy put up barbed wire on the parking lot fence of the office (using barbed wire is typically illegal if the fence is adjacent to a public street) S3E22: Michael lights a bonfire on the beach (he likely did not have a fire permit) S3E23: Jim and Karen sneak into a theater to see the second half of Spamalot (would technically burglary, believe it or not, since they snuck in with the intent of stealing services); Jan claims that the reason she is being fired from Dunder Mifflin is because of her breast implants (though David says it is because of her work ethic) S4E1: Michael hits Meredith with his car and fractures her pelvis; Dwight attempts to mercy kill Angela’s cat by trapping it in her freezer S4E2: Michael claims that when he was a child, he had a foreign exchange student living with him that stole all of his blue jeans when he went back to his home country; Kelly tells Ryan that she is pregnant with his child in an attempt to get him to go on a date with her (this could fall under intentional infliction of emotional distress) S4E3: Michael and Dwight detain the pizza deliveryman in the office conference room; Dwight reveals that the pizza deliveryman steals hemp from his farm; Andy reveals that he stole the ice sculpture he brought to the party; Michael and Dwight steal a tray of sushi and some accessories from a restaurant S4E4: Dwight admits that the permits on the bed and breakfast side of Schrute Farms are still pending even though he is actively taking customers; Creed reveals that he has a second identity that he transfers his debt to; Michael and Jan are likely trespassing while they are sitting on the stationed train S4E6: Dwight attempts to create molotov cocktails to throw in the Utica office; Michael drives recklessly on the highway; while stealing the Utica branch’s industrial copier, Michael and Dwight break it; Dwight reveals more weapons that he has in the office, including a pack of knives, a pair of sai, a sword, and a blowdart (having these weapons in the open is not illegal, but concealing them is) S4E8: Michael purgers himself during Jan’s deposition S4E9: Jan throws a Dundie at Michael’s TV and breaks it S4E10: It is revealed that the model from Micahel’s chair catalog died in a car accident (Dwight says that she was stoned at the time and crashed into the side of an airplane hanger) S4E11: Ryan states that the Dunder Mifflin website was infiltrated by sexual predators (only illegal if they used it to transmit child pornography or arrange meetings with minors with the intent of sexual contact); it is heavily implied that Ryan and his friend Troy are under the influence of cocaine S4E12: Michael places his face in wet cement outside of the office (would be considered destruction of property) S4E13: Andy drives a golf cart recklessly and ends up destroying its roof (and potentially the cart as well) S4E14: Jim sets up Dwight’s cell and work phones to go to his Bluetooth and pretends to be him when clients call (could fall under criminal impersonation); Ryan commits fraud by having people re-record sales and is arrested for it; Dwight, Meredith, and Mose release a raccoon into Holly’s car (only illegal if it does damage to her car) S5E1: Phyllis blackmails Angela by threatening to reveal Angela and Dwight’s affair unless she lets Phyllis run the Party Planning Committee S5E3: Kelly reveals that she downloads pirated music onto her work computer, to which Michael responds, “who hasn’t”; Meredith reveals that she’s been sleeping with a supplier in exchange for discounts on supplies and Outback Steakhouse gift certificates (could fall under the scope of prostitution); Michael threatens to kill everyone if they don’t go to the conference room S5E4: Dwight tries to destroy Jan’s $1,200 stroller S5E5: The office is robbed after Michael and Holly forget to lock the office’s front door; Creed implies that he made the last person who stole from him disappear, and that he stole the identity Creed Bratton from them S5E7: Kelly falsifies customer surveys regarding Jim and Dwight S5E9: Michael attempts to purchase marijuana from two Vance Refrigeration workers, and they trick him into buying a salad in a bag rather than drugs (intent to purchase illegal drugs is illegal, and so is selling counterfeit drugs); Michael and Dwight attempt to frame Toby with drug trafficking and possession of marijuana; when the cops arrive, Creed becomes incredibly worried that he’ll be arrested, implying that he either has drugs in the office, or is a drug dealer S5E10: Dwight tricks Angela into marrying him (this would be considered fraudulently inducing someone into marriage) S5E11: Creed is seen smoking out of a pipe likely containing kif, which has cannabis in it; Creed says that he can get fire permits very quickly, implying that they are possibly fake; Michael forces Meredith into going to a rehab facility (technically falls under the definition of kidnapping) S5E12: Jim uncovers more weapons that Dwight has hidden throughout the office; Andy pins Dwight against a fence with his car, Dwight dents Andy’s car S5E13: Jim connects a red wire to Dwight’s computer which leads outside to the top of the power pole (would qualify as vandalism to the pole); Michael and Dwight attempt to learn information about a competitor under the guise of a potential customer and potential employee (could be considered corporate espionage, but I couldn’t find any specifics) S5E14: Dwight induces panic law by simulating a fire in the office, he additionally damages multiple doors and cuts the phone wires; during the fire drill, multiple office employees damage items in the office including ceiling tiles, the copier machine, and the vending machine; Dwight reveals that he is planning a bomb scare; Dwight is shown to have a hunting knife strapped to his ankle, and he uses this knife to cut apart the CPR dummy (though corporate payed for the damages to the dummy); Andy, Jim, and Pam watch a pirated film S5E15: Dwight buys cookies from Toby in exchange for him signing a form (quid pro quo on this is illegal); Dwight attempts to have his coworkers sign his form under the guise of it being a sign-in sheet; Michael throws full slices of bread on the ground to feed pigeons (it was winter and there were no birds, so this could be considered littering) S5E16: Jim cuts the cord that connects Michael’s phone to the office’s PA system; Dwight finds out that Kelly went to juvenile detention when she was younger; Creed gives Jim a $3 bill (counterfeit money is illegal) S5E17: Creed says he knows where to buy a kid for $7,000; it’s revealed that the reason Kelly was in juvenile detention was because she stole her boyfriend’s father’s boat; Michael cuts off a sleeve from Holly’s sweater; Michael also takes a file off of Holly’s computer (would be classified as unauthorized computer access) S5E18: Phyllis and Bob have sex in a restaurant bathroom (this is technically public sex which is a misdemeanor); Creed steals a bag of blood from the blood drive S5E19: Dwight slaps Michael; Jim slaps Dwight S5E20: Dwight pretends to have kidnapped David’s son S5E21: Michael sneaks back into the office after being asked to leave (technically trespassing as it is private property and he was escorted out of the building) S5E22: Michael breaks his condominium agreement by having the Michael Scott Paper Company located within his condo (though the owner only sent a warning that he needed to stop); Ryan steals three pairs of bowling shoes before he quits the bowling alley; Michael asks Billy to sell him a ‘secret office space’ off of the books within the Scranton Business Park S5E23: Dwight claims that a woman named Haddie McGonagle was murdered in the Dunder Mifflin office space in 1816 (though he probably made this up) S5E24: Dwight steals supplies and files from the Michael Scott Paper Company’s office S5E26: While fixing her dress, Meredith accidentally reveals one of her breasts, as well as her crotch and her backside (was accidental, but could be considered public indecency) S5E27: Dwight cuts open the back of Phyllis’ blouse so he can give her a massage; Creed reveals that he doesn’t have any mirrors in his car that let him see behind the car (in Pennsylvania, it is illegal to drive without at least one mirror that lets you see behind the car) S5E28: Dwight’s friend Rolph once inquired about shoes that increased speed and didn’t leave any tracks, implying that he was going to commit a crime S6E1: Stanley wrecks Michael’s car with a tire iron S6E2: Dwight and Toby accidentally crash into a few trash cans outside Darryl’s house; Dwight uncovers that the real cause of Darryl’s injury was from misuse of company equipment S6E4: Michael ties full beer cans to the back of his car which left debris all over the road; Dwight implies that Mose is going to be castrating horses (only legal if Mose has a veterinary license, which is unlikely); Dwight also claims that he has a device which can make hamburgers out of horse meat without killing the horse (likely animal cruelty) S6E5: The Niagara Falls hotel staff incinerated Kevin’s shoes (they claim they did it because it was a safety issue); Dwight gifts a turtle to Jim and Pam for their wedding and appears to not have made any holes in the box (likely animal cruelty); Dwight accidentally kicks Isabel in the face while dancing S6E6: While answering Jim’s phone, Kevin pretends to be Jim and accidentally cancels his credit cards S6E7: Dwight secretly records the conversations in Jim’s office (Pennsylvania has a two-party consent law which means that all parties in the conversations must consent to being recorded); Andy talks about a 60 Minutes segment that went into working conditions of a paper mill in Peru (the 60 Minutes segment likely went into illegal conditions within the mill) S6E8: Meredith reveals that she has had sex with a known terrorist; while writing down things that people don’t want to be made fun of for, Creed says that if he writes his down, he cannot be charged for it; a custodian reveals that when Michael fell into the koi pond, he accidentally killed one of the fish S6E9: Ryan shows Erin a topless photo of Kelly in the office (could be considered indecent exposure since it was in a public space within the office); Creed implies that a shipping order was never supposed to reach it’s location, possibly indicating that he stole a shipment S6E10: Creed flees the office when Michael tells him that there was a murder and that he was a suspect, implying that he may be involved in a murder S6E12: Dwight secretly records a phone call between Jim and David S6E13: As part of Secret Santa, Andy gives Erin the Twelve Days of Christmas, inadvertently resulting in physical injury to her and potentially her home and car; Creed implies that he’s done “evil” things; Michael says that he has often claimed to be David’s childrens’ pediatrician to get him on the phone S6E16: Andy accidentally gives Meredith a large paper cut on her throat; Ryan implies to Dwight that they should torture Jim S6E17: While escorting Jim and Pam to the hospital, Dwight puts a police light on the top of his car; Michael uses his phone to text and make a call while driving; when being pulled over, Dwight throws multiple large weapons out his window; Michael parks in an ambulance-only parking spot S6E18: Dwight breaks a window to enter Jim and Pam’s home; after breaking in, Dwight discovers mold in their home and destroys walls and cabinets with a crew of workers so he can refurbish their kitchen; Jim comments that he had five parking tickets on his windshield S6E20: Creed tries to act casual when Michael announces that the lost and found has gone missing, implying he may have stolen it; Andy aggressively tries to take a pen from Darryl (could be considered battery); Dwight strangles Kevin in an attempt to get information from him; Michael and Dwight, and then later Andy and Erin, walk around the Scranton dump (would be considered trespassing); Michael and Dwight throw large pieces of garbage at each other; Michael and Dwight take two chairs from the dump S6E21: Phyllis claims she likes getting men to flirt with her so that Bob will beat them up; Michael accidentally damages multiple objects while being reckless at the bar; Dwight breaks his contract with Angela (unsure as to whether a lawyer was involved with the first contract, but Angela served Dwight with a summons for breaking it, leading me to believe it was legitimate); Hide admits that he killed a Yakuza boss on purpose and then came to America illegally S6E22: Meredith steals and uses Pam’s breast pump S6E24: Michael hires Dwight to follow Donna around to see if she’s cheating on him (following someone isn’t illega, but it could be considered stalking or harassment); Creed implies that he’s committed crimes for low levels of reward; Michael says he’s going to kill the guy who’s kissing Donna in her Facebook photo (though he immediately takes it back) S6E25: Michael keeps throwing out radon kits that Toby put around the office; Michael once again claims that he would kill Toby; Dwight claims that his money is buried underneath someone (though we don’t know if this is a grave or a buried corpse); Dwight and Angela’s lawyer comments that their sex contract is dangerously close to prostitution and illegal S7E1: Dwight tears the head off of Phyllis’ teddy bear and pulls a knife on Jim; Meredith breaks into Michael’s nephew’s car; Michael spanks his nephew S7E2: Dwight attempts to open a daycare center that is absolutely not up to safety codes; Toby allows Michael to forge his counseling paperwork S7E4: Dwight is shown attempting to pick up what would appear to be illegal immigrants for day labour and then instead of paying them, has Mose pretend to be an INS agent, kidnaps the workers, and then drops them off in Harrisburg; Holly claims that multiple people died in a traffic accident (though it’s incredibly likely that she was kidding); Michael takes an incredibly quick turn without his turn signal on S7E5: Michael, Dwight, and Jim secretly watch Danny’s meeting with Meredith through hidden cameras (only illegal if they are recording the footage) S7E7: Angela steals all of the scones from Cece’s christening (though they were for public consumption so it probably wouldn’t constitute as theft) S7E8: The Scranton Strangler leads police on a high speed pursuit; Michael tells Pam that he has a loaded gun hidden in his desk at the office; Michael cuts the cable going to Gabe’s apartment S7E10: Erin floats the idea of hiring a new employee, killing them, and then cashing in on the life insurance policy; Dwight and Phyllis float the idea of bombing China; Pam accuses Dwight of breaking property code laws S7E11: Dwight and Jim keep throwing snowballs at each other with force, and some that contained pebbles (snowball fights themselves aren’t illegal, but it’s illegal in most places to throw objects which could be considered missiles, and Jim is also shown with what appears to be blood on his clothes afterwards); Dwight asks Toby is he’s on the jury for the middle school teacher who tried to turn a foreign exchange student into a sex slave; Meredith asks Toby if it’s the case with the postman who rubbed his genitals on deliveries; Michael throws out supplies and food meant for the Christmas party; Dwight is shown dragging the Christmas tree out of the office to throw it out; one of the snowballs that Jim lobs at Dwight breaks a window; Michael throws Holly’s Woody doll into the trash and pours coffee on it S7E12: Jim stabs a few snowmen with his umbrella hoping that Dwight is hiding in one of them S7E13: Michael claims that regardless if Holly gets engaged or not, he will probably either attack people in rage or burn the building down in happiness S7E15: Michael leaves without paying at the Chinese restaurant; Creed is also listed on the wall of diners who did not pay for their meal S7E17: Michael most likely did not have permits to film in some of the locations featured in Threat Level Midnight; multiple characters in Michael’s film are seen using guns (you do not need a permit to have a gun in your home or business place in Pennsylvania, but multiple characters concealed their weapons during the film, though the guns are likely fake); a mannequin of Toby is blown up during Michael’s film (depending on the type of explosive used, certification may be required); during the hockey scene of the film, Michael comments that it was filmed during an actual Scranton High hockey game (could be seen as defiant trespassing and/or disorderly conduct) S7E18: Packer humps Michael and Dwight while they’re underneath a desk; Dwight throws away Holly’s zen garden; Dwight offers Packer a hot chocolate laced with many laxatives (depending on the amount, it could be considered assault or even homicide since extreme dehydration could kill someone); Andy purposely does damage to his computer’s keyboard and hard drive; Andy and Pam slightly damage Andy’s new computer; Jim and Dwight pretend to be Sabre employees and tell Packer he can jump the gate at Jo’s house S7E19: Ryan uses Phyllis and Oscar’s faces on his mom’s pesto and salsa recipes (would fall under right of publicity laws); Ryan adds a Kosher certification onto his mom’s pesto recipe (against FDA regulations); Michael pours gasoline all over the parking lot; Michael wants to steal a corpse from a medical school to use in his proposal to Holly S7E20: Michael eggs Toby’s house; Kevin colors on a restaurant tablecloth with crayons; Ryan admits to have done drugs in the past S7E21: Gabe confronts Andy and threatens him to stay away from Erin (could be considered criminal threatening); Deangelo claims that he caught the person who stole one of Jo’s dogs S7E24: Dwight accidentally fires his gun through the floor; Meredith claims that during the shooting she lost her necklace, a ring, and a painting and will be reporting it to the insurance company; Ryan claims that Dwight’s accident felt like an act of terrorism; Pam claims that Dwight has hidden more weapons in the office S7E25: Creed parks his car in the middle of the parking lot S7E26: Dwight admits that he would have created a fake identity for his character of Jacques Souvenier if Jo had hired him as manager S8E1: Dwight uses a fire extinguisher to knock Meredith off of the top of a bathroom stall, drops a ream of paper on a warehouse employee’s head to get him off a table, and flips a table over to get Toby off of it; Dwight throws Jim’s phone against the wall with force and a shatter is heard; Dwight instigates a fight between nearly everyone in the office S8E2: Andy says he will streak across the parking lot if the office accrues enough points S8E3: Dwight pours his drink on the inside of someone’s car; Oscar smashes the car’s window and brake light with a crowbar; Dwight drives the baler through the warehouse wall; Erin and Kevin spread grease all over the warehouse floor; Dwight, Jim, Erin, and Kevin damage multiple boxes of paper S8E4: Dunder Mifflin billboards across town are shown to be vandalized; Mose crashes Toby’s car into a corn field; Mose very tightly lines up everyone’s cars so that he can run across the roofs (he likely made scratches and dents while planning and executing this plan) S8E5: Dwight is shown to have brought many weapons into the office in the past as part of Halloween costumes and threatened to kill Toby with them (though the weapons were never concealed and Toby usually confiscated them before he entered the office S8E6: Oscar stated in an email that he believes that Robert has strangled at least one stripper; Kelly states in an email that they should kill Robert; Dwight’s accountability booster is dangerously close to a form of blackmail; Gabe says that he is going to go to a cemetery and drink (it’s actually illegal to drink in most cemeteries); Pam stops Kevin from hitting Dwight over the head with a frying pan; Jim takes Robert’s phone and attempts to deletes an email (technically illegal to use someone’s phone without their permission) S8E7: Dwight repeatedly grabs Jim’s crotch S8E8: A Civil War informational video reveals that the soldiers from Schrute Farm were soldiers that went AWOL S8E9: When Dwight suggests that everyone in the office is in a suicide cult, Creed strongly denies it, implying that he probably is in one; Jim leaves his car running and unattended in the middle of the parking lot S8E10: Dwight punches Jim in the arm; Erin asks Andy for Jessica to die; Meredith threatens to drive drunk if Andy doesn’t drive her home; Meredith rides in the back of her van without a seatbelt on S8E11: Andy asks Oscar to add $800 to their quarterly sales, implying it could be seen as a rounding error; Kevin offers to make that rounding error for Andy S8E12: Jim drives over Robert’s lawn and breaks his mailbox S8E15: Jim creates a fake murder scene in his hotel room for Dwight which involved stained towels, knocked over and possibly broken furniture, a writing on the door; Dwight threatens to light Jim’s face on fire; Dwight leaves the hospital with his IV solution bag, which implies he likely didn’t pay for his visit before leaving S8E16: Gabe sprays an inhaler into Packer’s drink; Dwight damages his hotel room keycard; Dwight sprays a compound of chemicals in Jim’s hotel room creating what he claims is a biohazard S8E17: Multiple homeless people are sleeping on the sidewalk outside the Sabre store (it’s usually only illegal for homeless individuals to sleep on the sidewalk if a shelter is available); Dwight tells Packer that he should act like a sexual predator when talking to the female teenage customers; a group of children throw pinecones at Andy and Pam, and one of them punches Andy in the face resulting in a black eye; Creed strikes the back of Meredith’s head; Ryan calls his uncle to get a prescription for Ritalin; Kelly attacks Toby and then accidentally elbows Andy in the face S8E18: Dwight leaves a treasure chest in the office which fires a poisoned dart upwards at whomever opens it; Jim and Dwight tackle and punch each other; Kevin forcibly kisses Meredith S8E19: Darryl drags Dwight out of his office by his hair; Andy tosses a container of eggplant parmesan onto the street; Andy leaves his car unattended in the middle of an intersection S8E20: Dwight offers to hit Nellie with a candlestick; Jessica’s friends throw food at Andy’s car S8E21: Andy smashes the frame holding a picture of Nellie; Andy punches another hole into the wall S8E22: Andy loiters at the office parking lot S8E23: Dwight and Jim create a fake identity to work around the commission cap (Dwight even admits that it’s extremely similar to embezzlement or fraud); Harry threatens to choke out Toby; Dwight tells Jim he should dent the hood of Harry’s car or slash the tires; Dwight attempts to activate the elevator’s seismic failsafes to stop the elevator; Pam steals Nellie’s phone and deletes all of her voicemails (technically illegal to use someone’s phone without their permission); Andy tells Robert if he doesn’t hire him back, he will give Prestige Direct Mail Solutions’ business to a competitor (technically blackmail) S8E24: Kevin and Robert accidentally head butt each other; Andy mops the carpets, likely damaging them; Dwight steals Philip’s used diaper so he can have a paternity test done (this is called gene theft); Angela and Dwight both speed and drive recklessly; Angela hits Mose multiple times; Dwight and Mose both leave their cars unattended in the middle of the street; Robert forcibly kisses Andy; Dwight forces himself on Angela (though seconds later she is a willing participant) S9E1: Andy threatens to make up a reason to fire Nellie (since Toby is aware of this, if Nellie were to sue Andy, Toby would have to testify against him); Andy purposely pushes Nellie off of the slack-lining rope; Dwight deconstructs Dunder Mifflin equipment to create his trapeze set; Dwight gets stuck on the slack-line and the fire department has to come to get him down; Andy places all of the recycling bins near Nellie and has people throw their trash at her S9E2: While the building’s janitor is on vacation, the building becomes incredibly dirty to the point where rats can be seen (likely against multiple health codes); Nellie forces Dwight into a situation where he has to chop off her hand (though he doesn’t go through with it) S9E3: Nellie drives recklessly; Nellie uses her phone while driving S9E4: Dwight and Toby find EMF hotspots in the office which could imply that there’s poor wiring in the building (depending on how bad the wiring actually is, this could actually break laws); Stanley threatens to spank Clark; Dwight drives the work bus (depending on the type of bus it was, Dwight would need a certain license to drive it); Phyllis asks someone to just start driving the bus while Dwight is on the roof; Dwight drops himself through the rooftop emergency exit on the bus onto Jim; Dwight drives the bus recklessly S9E5: Creed comes into the office with blood stains all over his clothes (it likely was not his blood, so he may have harmed someone); Andy reveals he had sex with a snowman while at Cornell (would fall under public indecency); Dwight catches Meredith in a net and causes her to fall to the floor S9E6: Kevin leaves his car in the middle of the parking lot so he can run to the bathroom; Oscar forges documents to make it looks like Kevin has been taking money from Dunder Mifflin; Nellie, Jim, Pam, and Darryl create a situation where Dwight believes that police have surrounded David’s house; Pete’s friend Flipper once drunkenly flipped a table over at a bar S9E7: Dwight claims he used to have a barber who fought dogs and made dogs fight each other; Clark is used as leverage by Dwight to get Jan’s business (this trade would be dangerously close to prostitution) S9E8: Dwight reveals that Trevor has had numerous guns stolen from him; Angela hires Trevor to murder Oscar; Dwight claims he has left poop in a paper bag on people’s porches (would be classified as vandalism); Trevor claims that people have left poop in a bag on his porch multiple times; Angela asks Trevor to break Oscar’s kneecaps instead; Trevor brings a concealed weapon into the office; Phyllis taps a stranger on the back with the sharp end of a knife; Phyllis forcibly removes a decorative wine bottle from its base; Angela kicks Oscar in the shin S9E9: Dwight hits Oscar and Jim with a stick; Darryl collapses on a table and breaks it in half S9E10: Dwight throws his coffee cup up in the air, likely staining the carpet; Dwight sprays a disinfectant in Erin, Pam, Angela, and Meredith’s faces; Erin tackles Stanley; Meredith reveals that one of her exes keyed a bunch of people’s cars; Meredith also reveals that she pooped into an office shredder; Dwight accidentally sets off an insecticidal grenade (I don’t believe there is a real insecticidal grenade but I’m sure there’s some law against either setting one off or doing so with people nearby); Angela hits Oscar in the head with a coffee pot; Kevin misuses one of the warehouse machines and causes it to break; Dwight accidentally sets off another insecticidal grenade in his car (he most likely still drove his car after while experiencing hallucinogenic side effects) S9E11: Jim is seen driving a motorcycle (Jim likely did not have a motorcycle license); Dwight suggests that Jim should drive 240 miles per hour so he can get to the office faster; Creed steals Phyllis’ ring; Kevin forcibly lifts Angela up multiple times; Darryl misses a basketball hoop and accidentally breaks a wall lamp and electrocutes a fish tank (though Darryl agreed to pay for the damage); multiple people in the office tear up the carpet flooring S9E12: Dwight rips open a couch cushion with a knife; Dwight drives one of the delivery trucks (he likely does not have a license to drive the truck); Dwight throws a milkshake through the drive-thru window at an employee; a customer in the drive-thru throws a milkshake at Dwight S9E13: Dwight reveals that Rolf uses hand grenades to fish; Mose is seen running in the middle of the street (could be considered jaywalking); Dwight reveals that when he was a child, he went to a school that was run by a conman; one of Dwight’s friends reveals that the school used the students as labor; Melvina reveals that she’s been double parked for about two hours; Dwight gives the sales rep applicants Jim’s home address so they can toilet paper it; Rolf tells Dwight to be weary of any suspicious packages he may get, implying that he’ll be sending him potentially dangerous packages; Dwight attempts to suffocate Clarke S9E14: Frank vandalizes Pam’s warehouse mural; Angela hits Oscar; Dwight and Pam vandalize Frank’s truck; Frank rushes at Pam with the intent to hit her; Brian hits Frank in the face with his boom mic S9E15: Meredith suggests that everyone in the office should try cocaine S9E16: Dwight’s Aunt Shirley slaps Angela; Andy snoops through Erin’s phone; Andy kicks Toby; Angela accidentally sets off the hose on Dwight (the hose likely has the same pressure as a firehose, which is about 150 PSI, so this could be considered assault); Toby leaves the prison wearing a neck brace after visiting the Scranton Stranger, implying the Strangler attempted to strangled him; S9E17: Dwight throws dirt in the faces of Erin, Phyllis, Kevin, Oscar, Meredith, Angela, Stanley, Pam and Jim; Dwight’s brother Jeb drives his car into Aunt Shirley’s grave; Packer reveals he’s in Narcotics Anonymous, implying he used to use drugs; Dwight reveals that his family members have accidentally buried family members who were thought to be dead but were actually in deep sleep; Dwight unloads a shotgun into his aunt’s corpse; Jeb reveals that he owns a worm farm in California (medical marijuana was not legalized in California until 2018); Packer reveals that the cupcakes he gave out to everyone in the office, as well as to Jim and Darryl were laced with drugs, some legal and some not; Packer is seen having parked his car halfway between a handicapped spot and a do-not-park zone; Clarke reveals that while drugged, he defected in some bushes S9E18: Dwight dumps a bucket of water onto Phyllis, and is likely the same person who dumped a bucket of water onto Andy as well (technically would be classified as assault); Meredith exposes her breasts in the office; Angela slaps Oscar S9E19: Dwight shoots Stanley with three tranquilizers meant for a bull (horse tranquilizers can cause serious harm to humans, and a bull tranquilizer likely has a higher dosage); Meredith squirts some of the bull tranquilizer into her drink (probably not illegal since she put it into her own drink, but it would be classified as placing a foreign object into an edible, which is actually a felony); Dwight and Clarke accidentally slam Stanley’s unconscious body into two walls; while sliding down a flight of stairs, Stanley’s unconscious body makes a dent in the wall; Andy kicks over an empty trash can; a man at the talent agency claims that through his dog-cat-mouse act, he goes through a lot of mice (allowing your pet to eat live animals can be considered animal cruelty); Stanley tranquilizes himself so that he doesn’t have to climb the stairs S9E20: Creed smashes a melon on the warehouse floor; Pam accidentally hits Toby in the eye with a paper airplane; Erin reveals that when she was in the orphanage, she once ripped Susan’s pigtails off of her head; Erin crushes a box of packing peanuts; Clarke asks Pam and Jim to share the drugs he think they’re high on; Angela is seen taking rolls of toilet paper from the office S9E21: Lackawanna County takes away “two sacks” worth of Angela’s cats because she is violating her apartment complex’s pet rules; Dwight throws his briefcase and hits multiple items; Dwight nearly kicks and punches multiple in the office; Andy asks Toby to falsify files; Andy attempts to grope Toby; Andy dedicates on David’s car (this would be classified as vandalism and public indecency); S9E22: Dwight reveals that his grandmother was shot by Adolph Coors; Dwight throws the summoning bag against the back of Jim’s head; Casey Dean jumps on the back of the a cappella show host; Meredith spanks Darryl; Dwight is seen driving with his police light on his car; Dwight drives recklessly S9E23: Dwight reveals that Creed faked his own death; Dwight also reveals that the police are looking for Creed as he sold drugs, trafficked endangered animal meat, and stole weapons-grade LSD from the military; Oscar reveals that Kevin used to make up numbers to balance the books; Mose kidnaps Angela and locks her in his trunk for three hours; Creed changes his identity; Ryan reveals that his partner abandoned him and their child; Ryan purposely gives his son an allergic reaction; Kelly and Ryan abandon his son with Ravi; Nellie takes Ryan’s son as her own child (she didn’t legally adopt him so this would be considered child abduction); Pam attempts to sell their home without Jim’s knowledge (since Jim bought the house as a surprise, his name is likely on the deed as well and Pam wouldn’t be able to sell it without him); Kevin spills alcohol all over a cabinet while filling up glasses
Travelling SEAsia - my massive review. Hong Kong, Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand (Shenzhen, Macau). Motorbike & vegan travel tips
Mammoth post incoming..... I read a lot of posts in this thread and others to help me prepare for my first time backpacking in South East Asia, used mostly reddit and youtube to collect information and in return to all the helpful people who advised me, I want to add a bit to the info out there. This was our first time backpacking in Asia but we have both travelled a decent amount, apologies to those seasoned backpackers who might eye roll at the obvious things I point out! And how long this post is! few linked included where possible. I travelled with my boyfriend (both in our mid 20s) for 7 weeks from Nov 2019 to Jan 2020 covering 4 countries; Hong Kong, Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand. We travelled as a couple, not really looking for the typical hostel/partying experience. I had spots/cities we wanted to stop in picked out more so I could check that our return flight back gave us enough time (bf had job to come back for). For those interest I travelled with 40l backpack (Osprey ladies size I recommend for small gals). and 15l day back and boyfriend had 65l backpack. I really reccommend getting up to date on vaccines and/or visiting somewhere like Nomad travel (UK major cities only) for additional shots. We also bought a medical kit from them which came in very handy and I would buy THIS one (works out cheaper than making your own). Our original plan was to buy a motorbike in Ho Chi Minh and then use that as our main mode of transport to bike across Cambodia and then finally go to Bangkok, so there's a section about bikes at the end. I am plant based / have a pretty strong dairy intolerance, so I'll add a section about travelling as a 'vegan' as I found it more difficult to get concrete advice on that before I left. We are from UK so our budget/prices we evaluated against £ GBP Hong Kong - this was the most built up and relatively similar experience to our lives at home and eased us pretty gently into travel. I would compare Hong Kong to a metropolitan place like London. We stayed in the Wan Chai district and would recommend the are for first timers. Not as expensive as the Central District and gives more local flavour with the street markets which you are likely to explore or pass through on the way to the MTR. Stay on Hong Kong Island over the peninsula as a lot of activities are there and though it is more compact you get a good sense of what HK is really like. Prices - cost of restaurants was about the same as home - £8-10+ for a meal. Transport - incredibly cheap, routes often less than £1 or 50p Lots of 7/11 and Circle K with reasonable prices for snacks or eating in Things we did: - Victoria Peak - there are some views more 'within' the city if you take the giant escalator up and walk a bit further as opposed to going straight to the top - Mong Kok area and surrounding markets - Hong Kong museum - quite dated and nothing on history of recent years but it is free - Hong Kong Peninsula night time view of HK island (symphony of lights show) - Temple Street night market - Dragon's Back - this was easy to get to via bus and a nice welcome break from the city. An easy hike. - Ching Chung Koon, Tao temple - really beautiful temple with turtles, easy trip by bus to visit Shenzhen - We went to Shenzhen as we wanted to see what China was like and had some intrigue about it being a Special Economic Zone. My advice to absolutely everyone, unless you know of something on the other side you want to see, is do not go. We read that it was free to enter but you would have to get a short stay visa stamp. We ended up stuck in immigration after getting off the MTR for about 2 hours, first you must go and get a photo and a visa put in your passport which includes filling our a form and being asked a few questions about your stay, then you go downstairs and fill our a landing card, get fingerprinted and then pass through to Shenzhen. There isn't a clear explanation as to where these different rooms are to get the whole process done and you're at the mercy of how busy the waiting rooms are for how quick you get out, no visas would be ready and then they would surge in 10 being ready for collection at once. Shenzhen was a very homogenous city, we couldn't find any historical sites or areas designed for non Chinese to engage with the local fare, though bare in mind Shenzhen is absolutely huge and we were short on time after arriving later. Tube system is cheap and in English and we used cash to pay. When we tried to use bank cards to take out more money I had no luck with Mastercard, Visa and Visa credit card at more than one ATM. The best part of the trip was a small antique shop in the train terminal with genuine trinkets, pottery etc. The guy was quite fair with our haggling too. Macau - Again we visited this as another special zone outside of HK. Again unfortunately I don't recommend going. To us, Macau was missing all the parts of the Vegas strip that would make a high concentration of casinos together worthwhile; no smoking indoors, no open carry on alcohol on the streets, no street vendors or anything to create an interesting people-watching street, not helped by how spread out all the casinos were from one another. We visited the Venetian which brought us away from the casinos on the ferry side of Macau, so that might have made a difference. The Venetian at Macau had the same feeling as The Trafford Centre if UK readers are familiar with it. If you have been there you'll have your own opinion about it and use that to inform going to Macau. Hong Kong Protests - Before leaving for HK I'd been keeping up with the protest news. Though by November the 'peak' of protests seemed to have passed a lot in UK news there were still plenty of reports of violent clashes daily. From digging around online I felt that it was still safe to go but just to be mindful of large groups of people collecting or the university area. Whilst we were in HK we didn't see anything that alarmed us or made us feel unsafe. While I don't think the media outlets were incorrectly reporting protest clashes, the actual volume of them appears to be exaggerated (but that's how news makes money, right..). We saw graffiti at most MTR stations and some bus stations that had english text posters and print outs explaining the situation that were even updated overnight to new developments like Trump's treaty. One mall we tried to go to adjacent to some university buildings was closed and the MTR next to it was all smashed up but other than graffiti we felt very safe when wandering round the city both day and night. I would say the university area probably needs the most caution, but if the MTR is stopping there again then there has probably been improvement. Vietnam - We flew into Ho Chi Minh city, stayed for about 3 days. I'm curious to return to Vietnam in the North of the country, while the South was very interesting to see I was more than ready to move on after about 8 days. Didn't really get a good feeling out of HCMC; extremely loud, sticky, busy place. The best thing we did was go to the War Remnants Museum, things like the old post office were interesting but they don't really take up much of your day. A phone sim for 2 weeks with unlimited data was easy to get and cost less than £10 I think. HCMC is a good place to take advantage of cheap taxis and cheap food. We could get a good meal and a soft drink/smoothie for £2.50/£3, grab taxi was about £1 anywhere and £1.50 in a grab car, Circle K essentials like a sewing kit were about £2. Would recommend the Grab app for getting around - though it wasn't my favourite place we visited, I was really able to appreciate the pace and culture of the city zipping through little side streets on the back of the bike from District 1 down to other places in Chinatown area. There are plenty of markets to visit, but when you've seen the stuff at one the others aren't really much different and people didn't really want to haggle with us. We did a Mekong Delta day trip, though I'm not always a big fan of a guided tour this was fun and worth going on. Have a look on a site like Klook and pick something that sounds interesting and in budget - we visited temples, honey farm, coconut farm, held some snakes, traditional boat on Mekong and lunch for about £18 each for everything. Nha Trang - we visited here as somewhere in South Vietnam by the sea before heading westways for the rest of the trip. It was a much calmer and quieter city than HCMC but I'm not sure I would visit again, very windy in November. An unbelievable amount of Russians here, more built up and developed than I was anticipating too. Long Son Pagoda and Ba Ho waterfalls were good to visit, though Ba Ho seemed to be having a very big touristy development built on it which was a weird contrast to the very difficult to climb and almost untouched waterfalls. We biked to Bai Dai beach - just make sure to take the first turn down to the beach before you hit the strip of resorts being built because it goes on forever and they won't let you through for access to the sand. Beautiful views on the way down but can see the whole area and Vietnam in general being swallowed up by package resort tourism which is a shame. Cambodia - This ended up being my favourite country of the visit. Though there's not really pavements or waste management or sewage and you can't drink the water etc, but there was little rampant tourism, people were kind, the weather was great and we saw some beautiful places. Phone sim will cost you about $5 and you can only top up limited data about $5 for 8GB. Prices - Cambodia has 2 currency system with USD and riel though most of the time you're using USD (4,000 r = $1). I felt like because of USD prices were rounded up a bit more so it was still cheap, but more expensive than Vietnam. Eating out probably about $5-7 or more if you're not holding back. There aren't many chain stores in Cambodia so you're at the mercy of individual places for a good selection of snacks and then hopefully not grossly inflated prices especially on Western imports ($2.50+ for pringles?). I did find that pharmacies were cheap. Make sure you haggle with tuk tuks or use PassApp, but that app needs some work so it's often easier to take one that's in the street. In PP/SKampot getting around we paid no more than $3. In SR to go to the airport $7. We took a bus to Phnom Penh from HCMC which made the border crossing quite easy. We had e-visa already printed out etc but it didn't seem to make our waiting time any shorter but saved us having to fill out any forms at border control. Phnom Penh - felt a lot nicer than HCMC as soon as we got there really. Still hot and dirty and hassled like hell for tuk tuks but I felt more kindness from Cambodians. Compared to HCMC this was a whole lot quieter and more relaxed. Not every building has a formal address so if you're not staying at a hotel (airbnb) bear in mind you might need more visual instructions to find your stay. We stayed near the Royal Palace and the area round there, though more for expats was chilled out and there were local markets, not far to walk to temples and sites etc. There are a few hotels in this area with pools if you need to cool off. The one we tried we just took the lift up to the roof no problem, but I had messaged another nearby that said it was for residents only. Siem Reap - though this city is pretty much here for Angkor Wat tourism I enjoyed being here not just to see the temples. We stayed at THIS airbnb which was very reasonable and probably one of our favourite stays. No pool but there were a few places nearby that were happy to let us use theirs, we just bought drinks and food. There are a few temples in the city near the city where you can see fruit bats all in the trees. The river here is nice, big market, lots of cats. Angkor Wat: we bought a 3 day pass and went on a sunrise tour one morning and then did our own thing on the other days. Doing the tour means you get up and in for sunrise at the right time and it's good to get some history about the places you're seeing. Angkor Wat temple itself wasn't the most interesting to me and there are hundreds if not thousands of people there in the morning that makes it a lot less enjoyable. We also visited: Ta Phrom - temple from Tomb Raider Angkor Thom city gates Bayon Temple - this was a cool 2 storey temple that is merged with depictions of Hinduism and Buddhism Preah Khan You can hire a tuk tuk driver for a day around $15 mark or you can hire electric bikes in SR centre and take those around (tourists not allowed to ride motorbikes in temple complex) $5 for 24hrs. Just make sure to give your electric bike a good charge beforehand as the battery doesn't always read right. There is a restaurant in the complex you can swap your battery at - the whole temple area is an extremely large place, you can be 15mins drive in between spots so plan carefully. Koh Rong Island - we took a flight from SR down to Sihanoukville to then get the ferry across to Koh Rong. Our flight ended up being delayed by 12 hours (welcome to Cambodia) so we had to stay a night in Sihanoukville and go across the following day. Travelling from Sihanouk airport to Sihanouk we had to wear bandanas over our faces to stop breathing in the dust, even though only one window in the car was cracked, it's hella dirty. If you are travelling from the airport to town I highly discourage taking a tuk tuk or rickshaw; the roads are not well surfaced in a more extreme manner than what I saw in PP and SR, there are a lot of freight trucks which will need to be over or undertaken in order for the journey to not take hours. Taxis are unfortunately the most expensive here and the journey cost $20. Sihanoukville - I'm told recent infiltration and development of Sihanouk by the Chinese has completely transformed the city in the last 2/3 years at an incredible rate with no care for the local Khmer population. It was possibly the worst place I've ever visited. Dusty and dirty on another level, open building sites and construction absolutely everywhere. Very young looking boy in a digger pulling up the pavement less than 5ft from a busy restaurant. I had to climb up a 3ft pile of loose rubble to get to an ATM because the whole side of the road had been obliterated. If you are waiting for the ferry on Beach Road and you need an ATM but they're all broken like they were when I was there in December, there is an ATM on the actual pier. I was stressing about taking money out for Koh Rong as I heard there was no way to get cash on the island but when I was there I saw a few places that offered cash out (but I didn't try them). I reccommend reading THIS reddit thread and the LINKED article by a Chinese blogger about Sihanouk. I read THIS travelfish article about Koh Rong which was very helpful too. I had an impression from the article that the island is quite under developed, which in some ways was definitely true, however it was easy to do what we wanted and we didn't struggle for places to eat etc. We stayed on the main pier (though really this is still a small strip of restaurants and shops, no resorts) and spent most of our time on White Sand Beach. Koh Rong could not be any more different than Sihanouk and it was a great place to spend Christmas and unwind. We didn't do much other than swim and lie on the beach and it was great! There were boat tours to take but a lot seemed to end with 'free drink and party' and we weren't interested in that. Prices on the island were the same as PP/SR. The only things that were a lot more expensive were activities - someone had a jetski you could rent for $100.. and there was some tree top zip line you could do for about $20. We visited 4k beach next door which was a lot more remote, beautiful as well but only one option to eat. We came past Coconut Beach when we left on the speedboat and that looked to a bit less than the main pier but still stocked with a good few options. Overall the food we had on Koh Rong was some of the best! Kampot - A small town/city on the river. Very chilled with a nice central part of town with good places to eat. There are hardly any big hotels or buildings over 3 stories - it felt like a more real Khmer place than somewhere like Siem Reap. From Kampot you can visit Bokor Mountain, Kep, salt fields, a lot of natural escapes. Unfortunately we both got very sudden aggressive gastro-bug or food poisoning so we spent 5 days pretty much inside doing nothing (was going to happen at some point). Kampot was a quiet place and we were able to recover well here though. Kampot to Koh Chang - From Kampot we travelled to Koh Chang, Thailand. I'd seen some speculation online that it wasn't possible to do this trip in one day, but having done it I can say yes it is but it is a long day. Almost every bus trip we took on our adventure meant that we lost all of the day (no motorways in Viet/Cambodia) however the quality of transport means it can take even longer. Vietnam was good with sleeper or semi sleeper buses, however in Cambodia our 6.5 hour trip from Kampot to the Thai border at Trat was 16 people in a 12 seater minibus plus a baby.. so bear in mind long distance trips in Cambodia can be testing! From Trat border we got a minibus to the bus station, then a songalew/thai taxi to the ferry and then a minibus took us to our hotel on the other side [12 hour trip]. Thailand - Much more infastructure and felt more modern than Cambodia and Vietnam, but I couldn't really get a vibe for the place and felt like a lot had been lost to the prevalent tourism. I would maybe visit again but staying away from coastal areas - if felt like the Spain of South East Asia. Prices could be a little more on top of Cambodian prices but you could find cheap places to eat. About £5 for a meal. Taxis cost about £3 through Grab. 7/11 and Family Mart very cheap snacks for pennies. Bangkok - as this was our last stop we didn't travel to many temples or big spots outside the city because money haha... we stayed away from the expat areas, the Museum of Art & Culture had a cool free exhibition, the malls Siam Discovery, Siam Paragon are worth visiting for the food halls and just to see. Where we stayed had a pool so we took it pretty easy. Went to Chatachuk but too much tourist and sweat.. Bikes: We bought a bike in HCMC via facebook marketplace - I would suggest if you know anyone Viet to get them to help you get the true price because as a tourist you're probably seeing an inflated price tag. If not that it might be possible to get one from another backpacker, but then you may be at the mercy of any damages or issues with the bike they're not aware of as they aren't familiar with bikes. We took our bike (Honda Cub c 50) to Nha Trang with us stowed in our sleeper bus - we visited a few bus trip/tourist places and one was happy to do it for us. I think for 2 people and the bike was about £23 one way, so not bad at all. You'll have to empty the fuel before it goes in the bus so just remember that at the other end you might have to give your bike a min to run the fuel through it again. We sold it in Nha Trang because it wasn't quite powerful enough to get us around with any bags (i was not in charge of buying bike haha...). Bikes are more than easy to rent in every country we went to for probably £5 a day max. We had a bike in Koh Chang but I know in Thailand there are more rules about tourist rental so I would swerve riding on the mainland. The most hectic place we rode was HCMC so I would just suggest avoiding that if you can, even if you ride in your home country. We sold our bike in Nha Trang via facebook marketplace. We took a loss but it was more about cutting our dead weight before the rest of our trip so to speak. If you really want to ride a lot in SEAsia, Cambodia has no restrictions on tourists having bikes up to 125cc if you want to play the legal legal route (not that I saw any police in Cambodia over 3 weeks!). A bike is also a responsibility and if you're wanting to feel completely free while travelling it might not be right to buy one. Do thorough research! I travelled with a full face helmet and I was grateful for it on windy rides and hectic places likes HCMC. If you're not planning on riding a lot then this is definitely not essential but finding a full face helmet, that fits, that isn't too bootleg to break on you might be some things to consider (bare in mind I was planning on doing long rides when planning this trip initially). Veganism / plant based / special diets: As mentioned I have strong intolerance to all dairy products and am generally vegan; I still eat eggs maybe once a week and might have fish and chips a few times a year. With the exception to intolerances and allergies I think the best approach to eating in South East Asia or travelling in general is be willing to be flexible. I only like to eat plant based, but I'm happy to eat eggs and at a push will eat fish or chicken. This is obviously not what I want to do for every meal but consider that you might be getting places late at night, options that are clearly described in English as not containing your allergens may only have meat in them etc. When I travelled to Japan and also for all these countries, I wrote 'I cannot eat dairy etc' in English on Google translate and then screenshotted the response in the desired language if I needed to show someone to confirm ingredients. For Japan I looked up pre made examples as I know the kanji can sometimes not translate directly, but here I just had the google translate page as a back up. Hong Kong - a lot of English spoken here and a lot of specifically vegan places however they are more expensive. At 7/11 they sell the 'Kind' granola bars which are vegan and yummy! and I also ate the ready made egg and rice sushi balls. Some ingredients were listed in English but I don't remember finding any other easy go-to's. At bakeries, of which there are a lot, almost everything appears to be cream filled, buttered, flaky pastry. I found I could eat walnut and raisin breads without any noticeable issues, but I didn't have an ingredients list to check. Vietnam - in HCMC I was very lucky to be staying down the road from a fully vegan restaurant that had ice cream, vegan banh mi, smoothies etc (Healthy World in District 1, there is another somewhere else in the city). Tofu was on menus and on an English menu in a Viet place I could safely pick something veggie. Asking for a dish to be 'chay' means veggie and that works too. Because everything is so cheap, it seemed to be easy enough to eat here. Desserts were limited with the exception of a vegan shop. They do have Oreos, in general for all these countries, I hope you like Oreos because they're the only dessert option most place ! Cambodia - Sometimes easy and sometimes not. Tofu did appear on menus, I would recommend trying Tofu Lok Lak as a veggie Khmer dish (it will probably come with a fried egg) and I was able to ask for curries just veggie or with tofu. I ate mostly eggs and toast of some kind for breakfast because that was a filling option. Every city I was in there was at least one vegan cafe or restaurant that was not too much more ££ than a normal meal so I knew at least I could get myself something nice and safely vegan every other day while keeping a budget. I was concerned about Koh Rong being a remote island that I would struggle to eat but this was one of the best places! There is a purely veggie/vegan restaurant on the main pier, as well as other restaurants offering vegan pizza, veggie pad thai, tofu curries etc. I also found a second kind of chocolate biscuit that wasn't an Oreo here! Koh Chang/Thailand - though we were back to having access to 7/11 the options seemed more limited and Thailand was my least favourite place to eat. In 7/11 I did find a few different kinds of Almond milk (& oreos!) but ingredients were rarely in English. Some options at the food halls were inari sushi, Subway (hash browns) and a few other (but more pricey) dedicated vegan restaurants in the central district. You deserve a medal if you made it this far - any questions please ask me, thanks :-)
This isn't Football - A Treatise on the Austrian League
In the twilight of his illustrious career having been Bundesliga top scorer for Werder Bremen, "Kugelblitz" Ailton found himself looking for another paycheck. Aptly named Austrian side Cashpoint Altach thought, what the hell. Let's send him an offer, worst thing is we get rejected. To their surprise he signed, probably thinking: it's just a bit further south, they speak German too, how different can it be.
He was in for a rude awakening.
After getting beaten 0:1 by SV Josko-Windows Ried in front of a measly 5000 people in the Cashpoint "Arena" he did not mince words to the camera crew.
I have 35 years old, I have played football for a long time. But I have never seen a game like today. For me that's not professional team, not professional football. Incredible. I have one hour maybe, no shoot on goal, no ball for me, no pass. The team doesn't know which position on the field, no system, nothing. I have never seen football like today. How difficult was it, you didn't even have an opportunity to shoot. Is difficult, for a striker this football, is hard. The best striker in the world playing in a team like this is no goal, is unbelieve. Only long ball, long ball. This isn't football. This isn't football. What has to improve? Is no idea, I don't know. Maybe back to Brazil! (laughs)
I knew exactly what he meant.
As a little kid in a football-lacking household my godfather took me to my first game. On the 17th of May 2004 Rapid Vienna faced the now defunct (a running theme here) Casino Bregenz. Literally nothing happened. Your typical Austrian league match makes me question my conclusion but I still think this is the worst game I have ever seen. See for yourself My love for this sport could have ended there and then. (Might explain why this little kid started liking Liverpool. I'm a plastic but I've made my bed. Now I thank the gods I lie in it.)
So it sure isn't the quality on the pitch, why do foreign players then even bother coming here?
After all Sadio Mane put up with this, Naby Keita put up with this, Mario Kempes, Antonin Panenka, Trifon Ivanov and Maradona. Yes THE Maradona graced the league for a little while. At least genetically speaking in form of his brother Hugo. Even Keisuke Honda is invested in Austrian football. He bought 2rd division side SV Horn, probably with limited success. (I say probably, I tried searching for the table on their website, it says "The requested page could not be found") I've heard the locals aren't too fond of the sushi either.
Is it the thrill of playing in front of packed stadiums?
The average attendance is 6-7000, skewed by heavyweights Rapid. As many as seven teams are below 5000 (an eighth just above 5k), the lowest: SV Mattersburg with 2039. And this is the average attendance we're talking about, 530 people turned up to their first cup game.
At least the facilities should be good right? I mean it's a top division in Europe.
Imagine you're playing for TSV Prolactal Hartberg. Your home ground is the 4500 seat Profertil Arena you need to endure 11 times a season. 6000 people live in that town. Profertil by the way, their slogan is "Speed for Sperm", widely displayed on their kits.
What is it then, why does this shitshow exist?
The thing is, no matter where you are, no matter how shit the match is, you're still watching football. It's an intrinsic part of our lives. Nothing beats getting plastered and watching a game with your mates. My friends and I have a soft spot for Mattersburg because they're known for paticularly shit football (and that says something) and the fact that their main supporter stand literally is a grassy knoll. It's great fun to pretend like you're ultras there, next to two bewildered natives and the opposition goalkeeper who you are screaming obscenities at for 45 minutes straight. Probably the only thing world class in Austria is the support of a handful of clubs. Visiting Rapid Vienna's ground, a friend from Frankfurt who came along first described it as a children's birthday party compared to them but still left feeling impressed. We were in the ultra sector for this game https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVTv7S7oqgw Cheap tickets, safe standing, singing all game, you can stand wherever you want, people all around you drinking beer, smoking cigarettes and weed, pyro – a far cry from the sanitised environment of the Premier League. As a supporter I go to the ground wanting to influence the game as much as possible. And there I get the feeling this is what I want Liverpool to have.
Maybe the league isn't so bad after all. Hope you enjoyed my ramble about this strange place. I see a lot of anti-ultra sentiment on this sub ("they're just hooligans" that sort of thing), which especially from an English perspective I can understand. But if you ever find yourself on the continent take a peek at what it looks like first hand. I've been to Anfield so it's not like I'm completely in the dark about what English stadiums are like.
[ME Trilogy spoilers] Just finished ME3, what a roller coaster that was
Took 30 hours to complete, Vanguard using primarily shotgun and assault rifle. I played Vanguard the entire trilogy, romanced Ashley in ME1, then Miranda in ME2 and ME3. This was the longest playtime, as both ME1 and ME2 were 25 hours or less. I'll talk about the ending in the second half, the first half is gonna be much in the style of my previous two posts, which you can read here:
I'll start with the game routines, or what some might call the "gameplay loop". I would define this as what exactly Shepard is doing in each play session, and thus it includes completing missions, scanning, talking to crew, running to the citadel, etc etc. I found the "loop" in ME3 the most mundane when compared to prior entries in the franchise, for three reasons:
the constant scanning of systems for quest items
the unhelpful quest log for whether or not I ever found an item, or where exactly in a system it might be
the fact that I had to rub against everyone to see if they're the quest giver, meaning I had to run a circuit through each section of the citadel, making sure to rub up against everyone.
I completed the game with about 6 sidequests that I didn't complete. As I understand, flashing icons indicate that there's a quest there, but it only really does this for important secondary quests and for the priority quest/mission. Thing is, there was one that was always flashing for me in the last 12 hours, but there were no missions there. At the same time, there were secondary quests that I wanted to complete, but I had no idea where the hell the appropriate mass relay was for me to travel to it. I probably went to the Hades Cluster or Nebula a dozen times trying to complete a few missions, constantly spamming scans. The reapers never actually caught me, but it honestly felt like the biggest waste of time, even compared to scanning for resources in ME2. If I had to say which game had the best "loop" or routine, I would give it to ME1. As I write this, I realize that this isn't a measure of how much fun, or how engaging, the routine was, so much as how much the game systems and structure PREVENTED me from having fun. Say what you will about the driving in ME1, but you can't tell me it's better than trying to upgrade, then realizing you have to run back to the command deck and spend 5-10 minutes finding planets to farm eezo, or the nightmare that was relic/scavenger hunting in ME3. It wasn't the worst, but I definitely wasn't smiling as I scanned around in the last 10-15 hours of the game. The Mako levels weren't well detailed, but they offered a small break from constant third person action, in a pretty powerful vehicle that you could always tip over for the giggles. I do have to say that I appreciate the removal of hacking (i can't remember if they made a joke about omnigel in this game or ME2, but it was hilarious), but the hacking in ME1 was actually fun IMO, unlike ME2. Now, to the simpler and more fun gameplay, consisting of pewpew and boomboom. I almost never died in ME1 and ME2, and could often afford to just finish a wave off while teammates just kinda played dead or whatever. I played on the normal difficulty all three games, but ME3 had me giving the most commands (primarily shoot this baddie, use this ability, move your ass up here) and dying the most. I enjoyed the enemy variety, with the Banshees and the various husks, but I won't lie it felt a bit... gimmicky? I dunno, I kinda chuckled the first time I saw a Banshee, even though I scared shitless of that scream. As a Vanguard, I didn't particularly like any of the bonus powers, and felt that my kit was too focused on having multiple offensive/CC abilities and not enough defensive ones (barrier, over-shield, etc). The cover system also felt incredibly frustrating, I had to keep a good buffer if I want to just run down a hallway so that I don't latch onto any cover. After the simplicity of ME2, and the largely passive role that upgrading weapons played (it was just going to a vendor and making sure you had resources), I didn't particularly enjoy looking at graphs of performance, all while weighing the effect of the extra weight (heh) on my power recharge. It took me until the attack on Cerberus (read, the last 3 hours) to realize I could upgrade my weapons beyond the modifications. Not that it was a big deal tbh, just took me by surprise and seemed unnecessary and made the whole system seem over-complicated. I definitely think ME2 was best here, it made you feel powerful with low cooldowns, and didn't bog you down too much with inventory/weapon management. Now let's talk about the Squadmates and the Normandy. First off, I'm glad my pet hamster was alive and hanging out down in engineering, I'm glad that Garrus is able to do all the calibrating he wants to, and I sure as hell happy that those two fuckers in engineering finally made out. The whole squad is banging, so why can't they? lol. I do miss having a Krogan around, the Prothean was exciting to have and it was fun to see the interactions with Liara (how he found her research odd, how letdown she was with how he measured up to the ideas she had, etc). EDI getting a body was exciting, but also very alarming. I almost didn't let her allow do modifications to herself, but I figured I had to trust her and commit at some point. It was a nice combination of new and old. I will admit though, the Normandy felt less like a home than in ME2. Maybe because it was less crowded (was it? didn't actually do a head count) or generally just darker lighting, or the shift from having an actual conversation wheel and the NPC looking at you to them going about their business/animations while going over certain lines that refreshed every once in a while. It felt... empty? I was surprised by a few events, like people hanging out in certain rooms they don't usually occupy, having conversations that you can drop in on, etc, but those can be hard to catch. And then there's the content of the game, the stuff you actually do as Commander. Man, the genophage, the geth, the fucking Illusive Man? This was the game you deal with everything! I gotta say though, this game was talking itself very seriously when all of a sudden, I'm invited out for some sushi, fall through a fishtank floor, and proceed to fight my clone??? I swear there was a good 2-4 hours in the middle of this war against the Reapers where I was chasing my clone, with the ENTIRETY of my squad fighting through the citadel, with some of the most inconsistent lines I've ever seen. It's not that the jokes and comments were out of character so much as the whole nature of the missions feeling completely out of touch with the death machines attacking all our home planets. Encountering the creators of the Reapers was incredible though, that whole mission was probably one of my favorite in the game. Was worried there was gonna be Suicide Mission 3.0 (which I doubted anyone would survive) but it was just me talking to the kid from my nightmares lol. Speaking of the kid... let's talk about that ending. So I chose the domination ending, and felt like a hypocrite the whole time I was walking there. I had just spent the past two games clashing with the Illusive Man, I had just shot him in a renegade action because he just wouldn't listen (also, the renegade/paragon choices in the conversation were grayed out??? I could have sworn I had maxed reputation...), and yet I made the choice he would have made. I was curious, if by showing Anderson going with destruction, and TIM going with domination, the developers wanted to leave that third ending as the "Shepard" ending, the integration/synthesis. I won't lie, I was tempted by the ending, but for whatever reason something the kid said or that Shepard said made it seem like it might not be the best. I had chosen to cure the genophage, and I had chosen to have the geth and quarians be at peace with one another. I put the galaxy at risk, and the quarians at risk respectively. But perhaps more than preservation, I chose freedom. Even as I understood and appreciated the impact of the genophage, I wanted the krogans to be the masters of their own fate, and even as I understood the fears of the quarians, I wanted to believe that the geth and quarians could come to co-exist. A paragon til the end. Why didn't i choose the destruction or synthesis endings? Destruction would have killed off the geth, as well as EDI, as well as any freaking organism with a reliance on technology. If freaking Shepard was gonna die, then what would happen to the quarians? I was also just kicking the can down the road or whatever, as it was clear that organic beings would always try to create synthetics. So red was a no go. I'm honestly trying to remember what it was about the synthesis/integration/green ending that I didn't like, but I can barely remember any specifics. It was very "Singularity" based, and I guess I didn't want to make a decisions like that for the entirety of organic beings. Maybe it's the Deux Ex I've played, but I didn't want to take away people's choice and freedom. Therefore, the blue ending, domination, seemed the simplest. There was an immediate problem, which has persisted throughout the trilogy. My mission has always been to stop the Reapers, and I have always tried to execute my mission as peacefully as possible. I think this is reflected in how I saved the queen in both times (i didn't realize the second time that the minions were still gonna attack so idk about that one), how I tried to reason with TIM at the end, how I tried and succeeded and bringing peace to the quarians and geth, etc. The Reapers admitted that they required a new solution, and chose to submit to whatever new programs and "code" my "integration" would introduce. I chose to preserve all life, and as I understand it, the Reapers (like with Legion and the geth) agree. How much exactly that's free will though, I can't really say. But I stopped the war, I stopped the Reapers, and I gave everyone their happily fucking ever after. I was feeling quite happy (a bit teary tho) about myself as the images of characters flashed, and then Miranda showed up and I went back to that conversation we had at the casino about us being "normal" and having a story after all of this and I just quietly said "oh". That had happened twice before in this game, when I got Thane's video messages in my apartment (following his death) and Mordin sacrificed himself to insure the genophage cure was distributed. I wanna believe I made my crew proud, and I think I stayed honest to myself throughout the game and the trilogy. I did several renegade choices, but they were primarily out of anger or frustration in the scene (shooting Brooks here or the explosives under that one Krogan during the assault on the hospital to rescue Mordin's student, etc). My Shepard wasn't an angel, his emotions definitely got the better of him. TIM wanted to dominate the Reapers, control them and use them to advance humanity. The Reapers, as I understand it, submitted to me. By sacrificing myself, I completed my mission, stopped the Reapers, and set the world up to recover. It seemed like the Reapers were helping rebuild so I'm curious how that is supposed to play out, but I believe I've influenced enough of the leaders of the galaxy that they can strive for peace as much as I could reasonably ask their races to. Plus, we'll have all the knowledge of those advanced civilizations in the Reapers, all that tech and wisdom for those primitive humans and blue tentacle aliens and space chickens and space lizards :P There are certainly things I'm not entirely convinced on, the impact of my constant resource and ally gathering impacted my own decisions and thoughts, but they didn't seem to be reflected ingame at the end? I guess I can "rest in peace" knowing that working so hard to bring them to the same table to cooperate means that I set them up to continue towards co-existing in peace, but that's peace of mind... in MY mind, and is not reflected in the game's ending. Also, the nightmare sequences seemed to not really have a payoff? Unless it was just the citadel ship seeing them and making itself manifest as the astral form of that kid... Specifics about how certain things are explained in those endings, how certain things aren't explained, and ultimately the whole nature of the conversation, might disappoint in a few hours/days. But as I mentioned in the comments of my previous post, my suspension of disbelief can be frustratingly strong; there can be plotholes and events that I'm not phased by that seemingly everyone picks up on. Did the end feel like a Deux Ex Machina? I don't know, I was ultimately talking with a Reaper AI, designed as a sort of API between synthetics of the time (Reapers) and organics (their creators), that had presumably stayed dormant on the Citadel until now. Now being the moment where it realizes its solution, harvesting, is no longer doing what it's supposed to, and it changed to consider alternatives. It seems convenient, but it also seems appropriately machine (although you would have to take the Reaper's word for it that it's for the greater good, etc etc). IDK, but I appreciated the bittersweet ending. My feelings on TIM have been shaken, given how I ended up doing what he did. I have to believe that the Shepard "installed" into the Reapers won't be subjugating races and attempting to advance humanity, but I have to wonder where indoctrinated TIM ends and genuine TIM begins. His last line, about Earth and how beautiful it was, about how I couldn't see it like he could... In hindsight, I chose the ending he would have wanted for similar reasons, and I don't know how I feel about that after 60 hours of hating him. I thought the galaxy was beautiful, the asari, the turians, the krogans, the quarians, and even the geth and the rachni, and I didn't want to snuff out life just because it wasn't according to my design. The galaxy IS beautiful (and I think the Reapers see this now) and I hope the friends and crew I encountered came to see it as I did in the middle of all the shooting and running, and I hope they work towards that vision. I'm just sorry I couldn't be a part of it.
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