'Looking down their nose at you': GameStop frenzy showed a fresh contempt for hedge funds. Why do Americans hate them? Updated 2:25 pm EST Feb. 11, 2021 In the middle of a pandemic and slow economic recovery, Americans think they’ve identified their Wall Street villain: hedge funds. Their nemesis is summed up in a few searing images: a hedge fund manager who makes millions betting that the subprime mortgage market will collapse, without warning them. Or another relaxing on a yacht as the economy tanks. Years of anger culminated late last month when a group of angry small-time investors on Reddit took on a few of those firms in the GameStop “short squeeze” frenzy. That spurred millions of others to join in, as their effort to drive up the price of a stock perceived as undervalued soon shifted to a campaign to “Stick it to Wall Street." They used the "squeeze" to rally the share price and make profits for themselves while forcing the hedge funds who had bet it would fall to buy it to prevent greater losses. What are these funds, and where does this resentment come from? Hedge funds, known for using higher risk investing strategies, are private investment vehicles that typically wealthy individuals use to get higher returns. They control more than $3 trillion in assets globally. They've angered many Americans by gutting companies such as former American retail icon Sears, causing layoffs and engaging in questionable financial practices that contributed to the near collapse of the U.S. financial system in 2008, experts say. 'This is life changing': Meet the Redditors behind the GameStop saga “Most people see it as guys in suits looking down their nose at you,” says Adam Bixler, 28, an active user on the WallStreetBets Reddit forum, whose members led the charge against the funds. “How I feel is probably how a lot of people feel when thinking about the financial crisis and the massive wealth inequality that exists in this country.” Radio Shack, Toys ‘R’ Us and Payless ShoeSource, along with mall-based retailers such as the Limited, Wet Seal, Claire’s and Aeropostale faced further financial woes after hedge funds and private equity firms loaded them up with debt. A fight is raging in the stock market: Should you worry about your 401(k)? Where to get vaccines: CVS, Walgreens to begin delivering COVID-19 vaccines on Friday “The idea that you can crack open a hedge fund like a piñata and redistribute all this money to people in the form of a short squeeze is very appealing,” says Bixler, who lives in Boonton, New Jersey, and works as a product manager for a company that makes software and tools for the advertising industry. “These are the stimulus checks that everyone wanted.” Proponents of hedge funds say the firms identify and support distressed industries such as retailers and newspapers. These funds are owned by groups of big investors pooling the savings of millions of unionized workers, such as teachers and firefighters, who count on hedge funds to grow and protect their nest eggs. Even so, hedge funds are viewed as vultures by many Americans. Kaysha Apodaca, an emergency room nurse in Dallas, was furious last summer when she lost thousands of dollars after CytoDyn, a biotechnology company she owns, was hammered following a negative report from a “short selling” research firm, about one of CytroDyn's drugs in clinical trials. The post with the research was later pulled. This year, Apodaca thought she missed the opportunity to jump in and buy GameStop or AMC, so she supported the Reddit campaign against hedge funds by investing a few thousand dollars into shares of Nokia, another beaten-down stock discussed on the forum. “I hate hedge funds. Even if this goes to zero, I’m OK with it. I’m not selling, just to prove a point,” Apodaca said. “Hedge funds have unfairly made money off retail investors for years. Now they’re getting a taste of their own medicine.” For Iris Findlay of Orlando, Florida, joining the movement was a way for Americans to show their strength in numbers. “I’m definitely not OK that there are so many billionaires hoarding their wealth while people are struggling, especially during the pandemic,” said Findlay, 31, who is disabled and retired from the Air Force. A large portion of hedge-fund assets are owned by institutional investors, such as pension funds and endowments. Hedge fund research has been critical in exposing an array of accounting fraud scandals in recent decades, including the one involving energy firm Enron. “Hedge funds do play a very important role in the financial ecosystem, but at the same time, they have a PR problem,” says Andrew Lo, a finance professor at MIT Sloan School of Management. They are an easy target, experts say, because some high-profile managers' massive wealth offends Americans who struggle to make ends meet. Michael Burry, founder of Scion Asset Management, is an investor whose billion-dollar bet against the housing market was chronicled in Michael Lewis' book "The Big Short." He personally collected $100 million and made $750 million in profits for his investors. These managers “are seen as multibillionaires that really don’t care about the public good and are focused on enriching themselves and their investors,” Lo says. “But I think that’s a caricature, especially given that hedge funds now have become much more institutionalized as pension funds and endowments are investing in these financial vehicles.” Who do Americans blame? When asked who was the “most in the wrong” in the trading mania that set off one of the biggest short squeezes in history, nearly half of Americans polled said it was either hedge funds (27%) or online brokerage Robinhood (22%), according to a Harris Poll survey conducted Jan 29-31 that was given to USA TODAY exclusively. Just 8% said it was the Reddit retail investors on the WallStreetBets forum, who angered hedge funds that had bet GameStop's stock would remain low. The small-time investors used the forum to help drive up the prices for shares such as GameStop, theater chain AMC Entertainment and several other companies. Many respondents were angry that hedge funds were shorting stocks – betting that the share prices would fall – of companies that average people use and love, according to John Gerzema, CEO of the Harris Poll. “This wasn’t just an attack on a few weak companies,” Gerzema says. “These are companies that are a part of middle-class America and ordinary people’s lives.” How did these funds begin, and how did they grow into such big villains in the minds of so many? What are hedge funds? Hedge funds are financial partnerships between a professional fund manager and investors who pool their money into the fund to earn active returns. Hedge funds can be traced back to the 1940s when Alfred Winslow Jones, an investor, sociologist and former Fortune magazine writer, created a "hedge" by “shorting" stocks he thought were poised to fall. The "hedge" was meant to reduce risk and protect against market fluctuations. It was unconventional at the time but remains the basic strategy for these funds. Hedge fund strategies today are more diverse and run the gamut of extremely risky to fairly conservative. There's another theory about the origin of hedge funds, and this one is connected to a more beloved figure. Some people credit the founding of hedge funds to Benjamin Graham, a mentor to Warren Buffett and the author of "The Intelligent Investor" – the bible of everyone who loves Buffett's method of investing. Buffett, one of the world's richest people and a folksy inspiration to small-time investors, argued that Graham managed a fund with a "hedge"-like strategy in the 1920s. So you made a bundle on GameStop: Get ready to pay the taxes How did hedge funds evolve? Hedge funds have gained in popularity over the past two decades after many of them delivered hefty outsize returns in either up or down markets, an attractive selling point for savvy investors. Some of the world's largest hedge funds include Bridgewater Associates, founded by billionaire Ray Dalio; Renaissance Technologies, founded by billionaire Jim Simons; and Pershing Square, run by Wall Street billionaire Bill Ackman. They have historically charged much higher fees than mutual funds, which are professionally managed funds that invest in stocks, bonds or money market instruments. Since hedge fund managers are nearly always paid a performance fee, or percentage of the gains they create, they have a strong incentive to make money for their investors. For the hedge fund managers to earn performance fees, their investors have to make money first. Hedge funds charge an expense ratio and a performance fee. The common fee structure is known as two and twenty – a 2% asset management fee and a 20% cut of generated gains. How did they become villains? While many Americans lost money during the depths of the financial crisis, some big-time investors did astonishingly well, including those who predicted and profited from the buildup and collapse of the housing and credit bubble in 2007 and 2008. For those Americans who had their livelihoods upended in the financial crisis, it left a bad taste in their mouths, experts say. “They’re associated with ruthless financial institutions that are out there to make money and not care where it’s coming from,” says Itay Goldstein, a professor of finance and economics at the University of Pennsylvania's Wharton School of Business. A big winner from that time is billionaire investor John Paulson, a hedge fund manager who netted $20 billion in profits when he bet against subprime mortgages at the peak of the credit bubble in 2007. In general, short sellers keep stock prices in check by voicing their opinion on where they believe a stock is valued, says Dennis Dick, head of markets structure and a proprietary trader at Bright Trading in Las Vegas. “I’m concerned with this public image that ‘evil short sellers are betting against America’ and that it’s ‘un-American to short stocks,’” Dick says. “It’s not like every short seller is making bets against America. They’re making calls on whether a stock is overvalued or not.” GameStop: Reddit ran a 5-second Super Bowl ad in honor of WallStreetBets, GameStop stock volatility The hedge fund industry has faced a rough stretch in recent years and underperformed the broader stock market but produced its best return in a decade at 11.6% in 2020, according to data provider Hedge Fund Research. Some received a boost from shares of technology firms and companies that focused on goods that people used when stuck at home during the pandemic. Americans who don’t invest directly in hedge funds still receive a benefit from the returns that hedge funds generate, according to Daniel Smith, a partner at ACA Compliance Group, an advisory firm for financial services. Of the $4.5 trillion in state and local pension plans, about 6.9% is allocated to hedge funds, according to data published by the Center for Retirement Research at Boston College, the Center for State and Local Government Excellence and the National Association of State Retirement Administrators. ”Hedge funds help secure the retirement of more than 26 million teachers, firefighters and other public employees by helping pensions navigate all market conditions and meet long-term financial obligations,” says Bryan Corbett, president and CEO at Managed Funds Association, a hedge fund lobby group. GameStop and questions of power The rollercoaster involving GameStop, Reddit and Robinhood has prompted Capitol Hill’s harshest criticisms of Wall Street in years. Several prominent lawmakers on Capitol Hill have warned of such moments, cautioning that companies and hedge funds have too much power. One of these lawmakers, Sen. Elizabeth Warren, D-Mass., who is well known for her disapproval of Wall Street, called on the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) to address the dramatic swings surrounding these companies. Warren wrote in a letter that it is “long beyond time for the SEC to act” and asked it to investigate the rallies in GameStop, AMC Entertainment and others that “have seen huge shifts in their share price driven by similar internet reading schemes.” "These wild fluctuations are just the latest indication that many private equity firms, hedge funds, and other investors, big and small, are treating the stock market like a casino, giving little consideration to the companies, communities, workers, and consumers that may be affected by these risky bets," she wrote. The House Financial Services Committee will hold a virtual hearing Feb. 18 regarding “recent market volatility” involving GameStop and the other companies. According to Politico, the CEO of Robinhood, Vlad Tenev, is likely to testify. GameStop-Robinhood stock revolution: Not a secure retirement plan Does the movement have legs? Questions have been raised as to whether the populist movement threatening to disrupt the financial system will be sustained. It’s too early to tell, experts say. “It has the potential to gather momentum. It depends on whether we see other related episodes in the next few weeks that show the same kind of patterns in the financial markets," Goldstein says. "We live in a period of so many unusual things going on that it will probably take the edge off this event." Hedge funds such as Melvin Capital Management took the brunt of losses from soaring stock prices of GameStop and other heavily shorted stocks. Others made a ton of money on the rally, including Senvest Management, which had a profit of nearly $700 million, The Wall Street Journal reported. “Is it sticking it to Wall Street? Only temporarily, but in the long term probably not,” Goldstein says. “At the end of the day, the sophisticated financial institutions will find ways to recuperate and make money out of this.” Lo of MIT agrees. “This incident highlights the growing dissatisfaction, distrust and dislocation that many people feel with respect to the financial sector,” Lo says. “It suggests that people are sick and tired of being disenfranchised and being pushed around by large financial institutions.” Contributing: Savannah Behrmann

Why Triggering the GameStop Infinite Gamma Squeeze is a Terrible Idea

Matt Taibbi: Suck It, Wall Street

The truth about the dbrand Grip...

Grips. Let's talk about 'em.
If you've spent any amount of time on this subreddit, you've likely seen at least one post about a Grip case that has fallen apart. Most of you have seen several. We know this because we've seen every single one. We’d like to see less of them. Ideally, none.
Over the past 18 months, we’ve been on an odyssey to fix the underlying problem. What follows is a chronicle of that journey.
Our objectives in writing this post are three-fold. There will be a tl;dr version at the end of this post, summarizing each of the three:

Offer an in-depth technical explanation as to why Grip cases fall apart.
Outline the improvements we've made to the Grip case to mitigate and eventually solve the issue.
Provide some much-needed context as to how widespread the issue truly is, and what our next steps are for affected Grip SKUs.

Since you're still here, you must be in it for the long haul. Assuming an average reading speed of 250 words per minute, this is going to take you nearly 24 minutes to get through. We'll try to make it the most informative 24 minutes of your life. Let's get started.

PART ONE

Why Do Grips Fall Apart?
Most phone cases are made out of a single material. The material itself varies from case to case, though the most common is Thermoplastic Polyurethane (TPU). The Grip case, as a point of comparison, is made of two different materials: an elastomer and a polycarbonate.
The word elastomer is a combination of the words elastic and polymer. That's because it describes polymers that have elastic properties - like the one that forms the outer rim of your Grip case. The elastomer that we use is responsible for two critical properties of the Grip case: impact protection and grip.
If you fell off of a rooftop, would you rather land on a hard plastic surface, or a rubber surface? If you value your life at all, you'd choose the rubber - its elastic properties would absorb much more force from the impact. Guess what rubber is? First one to answer "an elastomer" wins a prize!
Next, imagine you’re a pervert, gently running your finger across every surface of a No. 2 Pencil. Which part of the pencil do you think would provide the most resistance to the tracing of your finger? If you guessed "the eraser," congratulations: you possess a basic understanding of coefficients of friction. Erasers are made of rubber. Rubber has a high coefficient of friction because of its elastic properties.
The Grip case's elastomer isn't rubber - it's our own specially-formulated compound. It's still a useful comparison, as all elastomers share similar properties - provided they have the same degree of Shore Hardness.
One person reading this is asking: “Shore Hardness?” The next section is their fault.

A Beginner's Guide to Material Science
The Shore Hardness scale gauges the hardness of various elastomers. It can be measured with a device called a durometer. You probably don't have one.

Low Shore Hardness = softer, more malleable, less dense, more rubber-like.
High Shore Hardness = harder, less malleable, more dense, more plastic-like.

If you fell out of a building and landed on a rubber surface with a high Shore Hardness, injury or death would be much more likely.
If you used an eraser with a high Shore Hardness, you'd find it wouldn't actually do much erasing.
Now, what if you made a phone case out of an elastomer with a high Shore Hardness? It wouldn't offer much grip or impact protection.
The Grip's outer rim is made from an elastomer with a low Shore Hardness. As a result, the material is grippy and impact-resistant, but much more malleable and thus more likely to deform. That's why we bond the elastomer to a polycarbonate skeleton.
Polycarbonates don't require as much explanation as elastomers: they're a category of plastic. On your Grip case, the back plate is made of polycarbonate. The elastomer rim is bonded to the polycarbonate plate on all sides of the Grip, providing structural rigidity to the elastomer, fighting to keep it from deforming. At least, that's the idea. As we've all seen, it hasn't worked out that way.
Bonding two distinct materials together is much more complicated than gluing them together. Instead, we rely on a thermal bonding process. Basically, that means we heat both of our polymers to a degree which would turn you from “rare” to “well done” in moments. This heat melts the polymers, which we then inject at a pressure which would turn you from “solid” to “paste” even faster.
Once injected, these two materials get fused together along the seams. To further reinforce the bonds, we use a series of interlocking "teeth" to provide a greater surface area on which the bonding process can occur. Consider these teeth the mechanical bond, which exists to strengthen the thermal bond.

Pictured: Bonding mechanic between the elastomer and polycarbonate.
With that out of the way: why do Grips fall apart?
The elastomer rim around the edge of the Grip case is naturally inclined to deform and stretch. The bonding mechanisms we described above are designed to keep that from happening, but it often isn’t strong enough. As soon as the bond fails at any point, it's only a matter of time until a total structural failure occurs.

PART TWO

How Are We Stopping Grips From Falling Apart?
Philosophically, there are two approaches to take:

We can investigate why, exactly, the bond between the elastomer and the polycarbonate is failing.
We can tweak and iterate the thermal and mechanical bond - strengthening it to the point where it's statistically improbable that your case will fall apart.

We tried the first approach - it's the road to madness. The number of variables is irrationally large. What's the temperature like where you live? The altitude? The humidity? Do you bring your phone into environments that deviate from the ambient temperature of your location? Does your school or workplace have extremely dry air? Do you bring your phone into a sauna? What sort of soap do you wash your hands with? Do you have oily hands? What sort of food do you cook? Do you smoke? How hard do you press on the buttons? What's your angle of approach when you actuate a button? How big are your hands? How often do you take your phone out of the case? Do you remove it from the top, the bottom, the sides?
We could follow all of these roads, find out exactly which factors are causing the bond to fail, then implement preventative measures to keep it from happening - but that would take a decade. We don't have that long. Much like you, we want this fixed yesterday.
So, from the moment we received our first complaint about a Grip deforming around the buttons, we've been making structural, thermal, and mechanical improvements to the design and production process of the Grip case - some visible, some not. Every new phone release has brought a new iteration on the core Grip design, with each one reducing the failure rate, incrementally. We'll bring the receipts in the next chapter. For now, let's highlight the most noteworthy improvements.

The Most Noteworthy Improvements
The first signs of trouble were the buttons. Months before we'd received our first report of a Grip case de-bonding, we saw the first examples of buttons that had bent out of shape.

Pictured: Button deformation.
Why the buttons? Because you press down on them. The force from button actuation puts strain on the elastomer, causing displacement of the material in the surrounding area. Through a combination of time, repeated button actuations and the above-mentioned force, the case would permanently deform around the buttons. This concept is called the "compression set" of the elastomer - Google it.
The solution to this problem was two-fold:

First, we increased the compression set of the elastomer. Essentially, we made it as dense as we could, without compromising on the elastic properties of the material.
Second, we added relief slits surrounding the buttons - they're plainly visible on any newer Grip case model. These relief slits are an escape route for the force generated by button actuation. They also had the positive effect of making button actuation significantly more satisfying (read: clicky).

Pictured: Relief slits to improve button tactility and durability.
Another early issue, pre-dating the first reports of total de-bonding, was a deformation of the elastomer along the bottom of the case - where the charging port and speakers are.
Since we've covered the basics on how the interlock between the elastomer and the polycarbonate creates a bond, this is how the interlocking teeth along the top edge of the polycarbonate skeleton of the Grip used to look.

Pictured: First-gen interlocking teeth on the top of the Grip.
...and here's the bottom of that very same Grip case.

Pictured: First-gen interlocking teeth on the bottom of the Grip.
Notice anything? Around the charging port, there is absolutely nothing keeping the elastomer in place. No teeth, no structural reinforcements... it's no coincidence that an overwhelming majority of early Grip deformations happened along the bottom.
Since then, we’ve added a reinforced polycarbonate structure around the bottom of the Grip case. You'll see what that looks like in a bit.
So, why didn't the launch portfolio of Grip cases have mechanical interlocks or a polycarbonate support structure along the bottom?
The answer may or may not be complicated, depending on how much you know about plastic injection molding. We'll assume the worst and explain the concept of "undercut" to you with a ridiculous metaphor.

The Ridiculous Metaphor
Imagine you had a tube full of melted cheese. Next, imagine you emptied that entire tube into your mouth. Rather than swallowing the cheese, you decide to let it sit in your mouth and harden. Why are you doing this? We don't know. Let's just say you want a brick of cheese that's perfectly molded to the contours of your mouth - a very normal thing to want.
So, your mouth is completely filled with cheese. It hardens. You reach into your mouth to remove the brick of cheese. As you're removing it, you encounter a problem: your teeth are in the way. This wasn't a problem when you were putting the cheese into your mouth, but that was because the cheese was melted and could flow around your teeth. Now that the cheese has hardened, this is no longer the case.
In the world of plastic injection molding, this is an undercut. Our concern was that, by molding a structurally rigid piece of polycarbonate around the charging port and speaker holes, we'd find ourselves unable to remove the Grip Case from the mold once hardened. Imagine spending $30,000 on industrial tooling only to get a $30 phone case stuck inside of it.
Once we saw Grip cases deforming along the bottom cutouts, we knew we'd need to find a way to remove the cheese from your mouth without breaking your teeth. To make a long story short: we did it. The cheese is out of your mouth, and you get to keep your teeth. Congratulations! Now, keep reading.
On newer models of the Grip case, the result is a polycarbonate bridge extending around the bottom cutouts, adding both structural reinforcement and interlock mechanisms to promote mechanical bond, much like the ones which line the perimeter of the rest of the Grip case.

Pictured: Newest-gen structural reinforcement on the bottom of the Grip.
On the subject of structural reinforcements, this design revision was around the time we flanked the buttons with some fins, working in tandem with the heightened compression set and button relief slits, detailed above, to further guarantee that button actuation would have no impact on the overall durability of the Grip case.

Pictured: Lack of button fins on the first-gen Grip.

Pictured: Button fins on the newest-gen Grip.
As an aside: Unrelated to the de-bonding issues, we've also made a number of smaller improvements to the Grip case with each new iteration. For instance, we chamfered the front lip of the case to make edge-swiping more pleasant and reduce dust accumulation along the rim. Those raised parallelogram shapes along the sides of your Grip case that create its distinctive handfeel? We made those way bigger for a better in-hand experience. In short: product development is a complex and multifaceted process. Each new iteration of the Grip case is better than the one that came before, and that applies to more than just failure rates.
Speaking of failure rates: all of these improvements were in place by the time we launched iPhone 11-series Grip cases. The failure rate for these cases decreased exponentially... but didn't disappear entirely.

The Even More Ridiculous Metaphor
With these improvements, we achieved our desired outcome: the case was no longer deforming around the buttons or the charging port. Instead, the structure of the case began to fail literally anywhere else around the perimeter of the phone.
Think of it this way… you’re a roof carpenter. The greatest roof carpenter of all time. Like the son of God, but if he was a carpenter. Unfortunately, you’ve been paired with the Donald Trump of wall-builders.
You're tasked with building a house. You spend all of your time and energy perfecting your roofcraft. You've designed a roof that's so durable, it may as well have been made of Nokia 3310s. Nothing's getting through that bad boy.
The wall guy? Instead of building that wall he said Mexico would pay for, he's been tweeting about the miraculous medicinal properties of bleach while a plague kills hundreds of thousands of Americans.
The point here is that you can build the greatest roof of all time, but the walls need to be strong enough to match.
To strengthen the Grip case's metaphorical walls, we needed to re-design the inside of the Grip case from scratch. More specifically, the mechanical interlock between the springy elastomer and rigid polycarbonate skeleton. We took every tooth at the bonding point between the two materials and made them as large as we possibly could. Then, we added more teeth.

Pictured: Polycarbonate teeth on the newest-gen Grip.
To jog your memory: this is how the teeth used to look...

Pictured: Polycarbonate teeth on the first-gen Grip.
If time proves that these changes aren’t enough, our engineers still have a number of ideas on how to improve the bond between the elastomer and polycarbonate. Will we ever need to implement those ideas? Again - that’s a question only time can answer. Each change might be the silver bullet that puts this problem to bed for good... but there's only one way to find out: it involves real-world testing and, with each iteration, months of careful observation.

PART THREE

So, Where Are We Now?
Have the improvements we've made to the Grip case been successful? You bet.
For the sake of comparison: we began shipping iPhone 11 series Grips on September 30th, 2019. Within six months of that date, we had received 52 reports of structural failures - a big improvement over the early days, but still not good enough.
Fast forward two months. We began shipping Note 10 Plus Grip cases on November 21st, 2019. In the first six months of availability, we received exactly eight reports of Note 10 Plus Grips falling apart. Again, a major improvement over the iPhone series in the same stretch of time. If we'd launched the first Grip cases with a failure rate that low, we wouldn't be writing this post right now and you’d have nothing to read while pretending to do work.
How about the Galaxy S20 series, which began shipping on February 10th, 2020? They're the most recent and improved set of SKUs we’ve made to date, leveraging everything we've learned and making further improvements over the Note 10 Plus. No reports so far. Same goes for the iPhone SE and OnePlus 8 series - these SKUs share all the improvements we've made to the underlying design of the Grip case thus far.
Does that mean these numbers will hold forever? Who knows. That's the thing: every improvement we make, we need to wait several months to see how effective it's been. No amount of internal testing can replace the real-world data of shipping cases to hundreds of thousands of users across nearly 200 countries.
We could always just throw in the towel, make the entire case out of rigid plastic, and call it a solved issue... but that would be the easy way out. The Grip case and its unique design properties can't reach their full potential unless we make incremental improvements - then wait and see how they pan out in the real world.
All of which is to say: it's far too early to say the newest set of improvements have officially solved the problem. While the failure rate is still zero, we need to keep watching. We've made a ton of progress, but we're not going to rest until we've killed this issue for good - without sacrificing the unique properties that make the Grip case stand out in a sea of derivative hard plastic and TPU phone cases.
That's probably enough to inspire confidence in someone who's on the fence about buying an S20 Ultra Grip, an iPhone SE Grip, or any Grip we release in the future. But what if you're one of the people who bought an older Grip model?

"I'm One Of The People Who Bought An Older Grip Model!"
We won't sugarcoat it. The failure rates for older Grip models is way higher than we deem acceptable. Why has it taken us this long to publicly address the issue, then?
Easy: it's not as widespread as you might think. Some humans reading this might be looking at their iPhone X Grip, purchased in 2019 and still intact, wondering what all the fuss is about. That's an important consideration: most people who have functioning, still-bonded Grip cases aren't posting on /dbrand about how unbroken it is. The people who've had issues around total product failure are in the minority.
We're not using the word "minority" as a get-out-of-jail-free card here. It's still a way larger number than we'd ever be comfortable with. We simply don't want our transparency and candor in writing this to be misinterpreted as an admission that every single Grip case we've made for older devices is going to fall apart. Statistically speaking, this is an issue for a minority of Grip owners.
Our philosophy at first was that, while it was unfortunate and frustrating that Grip cases were falling apart, dramatic PR action wasn't necessary. Instead, we resolved to:

Quietly and diligently work in the background to improve the underlying design of the Grip case.
Ship free replacements to anyone whose Grip case had failed.

To date, we've spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on shipping fees alone for replacement Grips. As you can imagine, that number gets a lot higher once you add in the cost of actually making the thing. We've been fine with writing these costs off as sort of an R&D expense, since every example of a deformed or de-bonded Grip provides invaluable data on how to improve the product.
Where our strategy backfired was in the narrative that began to take root as Grip cases continued to fall apart. Look at it this way: the failure rate of older Grip case SKUs is anywhere between 1% and 20%, depending on how early we released the SKU. Since the improvements we've already made to the underlying design were rolled out incrementally with each new phone release, that number has been on a steady downward trend.
For the purpose of this thought experiment, we'll go with the earliest, shittiest Grip cases - putting us at a long-term failure rate of 20%.
So, 20% of customers for this device have a Grip case fall apart at some point in the product's lifespan. Every single one of those people writes in to our Customer Experience team about the issue. They all receive a replacement, free of charge.
Since this replacement is identical to the first Grip case they'd received, it also has a 20% failure rate. We're now dealing with percentages of percentages. Stop panicking, we'll do the math for you: that means 4% of these hypothetical Grip owners will have a second Grip case fail on them in the long run.
Four percent is a lot better than twenty… but it's also a lot of people who've been burned twice. These people are going to be extra vocal about how shitty the Grip case is. To be fair, they've got every right.
So, we've got four groups of customers for this SKU:

Group A: Has had two or more Grip cases fail (4%).
Group B: Has had exactly one Grip case fail (16%).
Group C: Bought a Grip which has not failed (80%).
Group D: Has not purchased a Grip case (NA%).

Group A is livid about the repeated issues they've had - rightfully so.
Group B, having been burned before, reads about Group A's experience. They take it to mean their replacement will inevitably fail on them as well, and they'll one day get the dubious honor of joining Group A.
Group C, despite not having had any issues yet, reads the experiences of Groups A and B. Then, a significant portion of this group begins to operate under the assumption that it's only a matter of time before their Grip falls apart as well.
Group D reads all of the above and decides they don't have enough confidence in the Grip case to ever purchase one.
A narrative begins to form that this hypothetical failure rate is close to 100%. Worse yet: people with newer phones, unaware that each new iteration of the Grip case has a dramatically reduced failure rate over the last, start to assume their case also has a 100% failure rate. That's where our original strategy - the one where we quietly improved the product in the background while offering replacements for defective units - backfired on us.
This narrative only exists because we've continued to leverage existing stock with too high a failure rate, which, in hindsight, was like pouring gasoline on a gender reveal forest fire of disappointment and regret. This brings us to our next chapter.

Mass Destruction
At this point, you're probably aware that a number of Grip SKUs for older phones have been listed as "Sold Out" on our website, and haven't been restocked since.
We stopped production on these cases because we knew they'd have all the same issues as the original production runs. See, it's not as simple as pushing a "make the Grip not fall apart" button at the factory - we'd need to redesign the case from scratch, implementing all of the design improvements we've made up to this point, then re-tool our existing machinery to produce this new version. We'll have more to say about re-tooling a bit later - for now, focus on the fact that some Grips have been listed as "Sold Out".
If someone's Grip case falls apart while listed as "Sold Out", we don't have any replacements to send them. Instead, dbrand's Customer Experience team has been issuing refunds wherever possible, and store credit otherwise. Just in case you're wondering what we mean by "where possible": PayPal doesn't allow refunds on transactions that are more than six months old. Store credit, on the other hand, can be offered indefinitely.
What we've come to realize is that we're never going to be able to escape this downward spiral until we rip the band-aid off and stop stocking these old, flawed SKUs.
Today, we're ripping the bandaid off. As you're reading this, we're disposing of all of our old stock. All of the flawed Grip SKUs are now listed as "Sold Out".
Head over to our Grip listing and take a look at what's available. Everything that you can currently buy is up to spec with the improvements we've made over the past year - meeting or exceeding the standard of quality set by the Galaxy S20 series, the iPhone SE, and the OnePlus 8 series. In some cases - take, for instance, the iPhone 11 series - this means we've already re-tooled our production lines to meet that quality benchmark.
If a Grip case is listed on "Backorder", it means we've begun the process of re-tooling the SKU to match the improved quality standard you've spent the last five hours reading about.
However, if a Grip case is now listed as "Sold Out", that means no more reshipments.
If you own a sold out Grip case that hasn't fallen apart yet: that's great! Don't assume that your Grip is doomed to fail just because we devoted 5661 words to explaining why it might fall apart. You've still got better odds than you would at a casino.
As always, if you run into any issues with your case, sold out or not, shoot an email to one of our Robots. They'll still take care of you - it just won't be with a replacement case… for now.

Mass Production
Remember when we said we'd talk more about re-tooling a bit later? That's right now.
So, why are so many Grip models not being fixed? Why haven't we re-tooled these old SKUs with all of the quality improvements made to the case's build quality? It's a little complicated.
Taking the improvements we've made to the most recent suite of Grip models and retroactively applying those changes to older SKUs isn't a simple task - it would require us to throw out our existing production tools and create new ones, from scratch. Suffice it to say that doing so is a wildly expensive endeavor.
To recoup that cost, we'd need to produce more Grips than we're likely to ever sell for aging, irrelevant hardware. Let's use the Pixel 3 as an example.
If we replaced every single de-bonded Pixel 3 Grip, that would account for about 3% of the MOQ (Minimum Order Quantity) on a re-tooled Pixel 3 Grip case. Now we're sitting on 97% of that MOQ as overstock. Pixel 3 owners have had their phone for nearly two years now. If they want a phone case, they already have one. They're not looking for new Pixel 3 cases, they're getting ready to buy a new phone. Simply put, it’s no longer a viable market.
Now, say the Pixel 3 was a significantly more popular phone - enough that we'd be shipping out, say, 50% of the MOQ as replacements on day one. Now, that's a lot more tempting to us - we'd still lose boatloads of money, but at least it would go towards some consumer goodwill.
To figure out how much money we'd lose on re-tooling, we gave our bean-counting Robots a giant jar of beans and told them to get to work. They emerged three days later. When asked how many beans were in the jar, they gave us a blank stare. When asked if it was possible to re-tool any of our production lines for old Grip SKUs without losing obscene amounts of money, they said:
"Absolutely not."
Still, we're no strangers to throwing away obscene amounts of money to make the internet happy. Remember Amazon gift cards? Those were the days. The only question that remains is "How much money are we willing to set on fire?"
We can't tell you yet. Why? Because we're currently running a detailed cost-benefit analysis on the subject of re-tooling old production lines, on a SKU-by-SKU basis. That's business talk for "the bean-counting Robots have been given more beans to count."
The objective is to determine the viability of producing new-and-improved Grip stock for older phones: how many units would be tied up in replacements for that model, how many we could reasonably expect to sell to new customers, and how much overstock would be left from the MOQ.
From there, we can determine what the financial impact of re-tooling would be and make the final decision on how much cash we're dumping into the ocean somewhere off the coast of the Seychelles. We'll have our results by early next week.
These re-tooled models, if produced, would feature every improvement we’ve made thus far to the Grip case line, plus a few that have yet to be released. Remember how the S20s, the iPhone SE and the OnePlus 8s haven't had any reported failures yet? Picture that, but for the phone you've got.
If we go ahead with re-tooling production lines for your phone, a few things will happen:

The Grip case for your phone will go from "Sold Out" to "Backorder".
Our Customer Experience Robots will shift their communication strategy from "we no longer support your phone," to "we'll get you a replacement once we've got improved units in stock."

None of these things will happen until we've run the simulations on which phones are getting restocked. Why are we posting this today, then? We could have waited a week and had concrete answers to offer about the future of our out-of-stock Grip cases. Well…

Take Our Survey
This is it: your chance to have some say in how much money we set on fire as a goodwill exercise for this whole R&D clusterfuck.
Those simulations we're running? They'll be great for telling us how much money we're going to lose on each Grip SKU, but it won't tell us anything about how much money our customers want us to lose on each Grip SKU.
To that end, we've prepared a survey for people who have purchased a Grip case. We'll be taking your feedback into consideration during our decision-making process.
We have only one request: don't be a jackass. Answer the questions honestly.
Click here to take the survey.

In Closing...
We're sharing a special moment right now. We're all seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.
For us, that light is "we're almost done with a year-long R&D effort to stop the Grip case from falling apart."
For you, the light is "the end of a 5661-word marathon of a Reddit post."
We just want to take a minute to recognize that we couldn't have gotten this far without your collective support. At any point in the past year, we might have pulled the plug on the Grip project entirely if we'd reached a critical mass of negative sentiment from our customers. Instead, we've got an army of devotees who have no problem paying us for the privilege of being our guinea pigs.
Product development isn't a one-and-done process. It's easy to forget, but our skins weren't always to the world-class, record-setting, Michael-Jordan-in-his-prime standard you expect from us today. If you happen to have an iPhone 4 skin lying around, apply it and let us know how it goes. You'll immediately appreciate how many process improvements we've made. We weren’t born as the greatest skin manufacturer in history. We got there through a process of methodical improvement. Each jump in quality was driven by a bottomless well of user feedback, sourced from millions upon millions of customers. That, and the competition was comically inept.
It's the same story for the Grip case. Your continued support has enabled us to make huge strides in developing a product that's on the cusp of blowing everyone else out of the water. We're going to keep working until it gets there.

TL;DR VERSION

Please note that by reading this tl;dr, you’re missing out on several outlandish metaphors, including classics such as:

Plastic injection molding melted cheese into your face hole.
What if Jesus and Donald Trump built a house?
How to turn yourself from “rare to well done” and “solid to paste”.
Pencil Perverts.

WHY DOES THE GRIP FALL APART?

The Grip case is made from two materials: a polycarbonate skeleton and an elastomer frame.
The elastomer frame provides the majority of the case's impact protection and grip, but is prone to deformation.
We prevent deformation by bonding the material to a polycarbonate skeleton (i.e. the rigid back plate on the Grip case).
The bond between the two materials was not as strong as we'd originally anticipated, causing the elastomer to de-bond from the polycarbonate skeleton and the case to sometimes fall apart.

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO FIX IT?

Through a series of design revisions, we've made countless improvements to promote a stronger bond between the two materials.
These changes have incrementally reduced the failure rate of Grip cases. Our most recent SKUs are yielding extremely promising results.
Each time we improve the Grip case, we need to play a months-long waiting game to observe the real-world effects.

HOW ABOUT THE GRIPS YOU'VE ALREADY SOLD?

Since we're using you as guinea pigs for the purposes of product development, we've been uncharacteristically generous with our warranty policy.
However, that warranty policy only lasts as long as we have stock. Once we're out of Grips, we're out of replacements.
We've finally reached the point where we need to rip off the bandaid and dispose of all of our Grip stock produced during 2019.
If your Grip for any of these older phones falls apart, you can no longer get a replacement.
You should still write in to our Customer Experience team if it happens to you - we'll work something out.
On the bright side, our Grip SKUs from 2020 onwards have dramatically reduced, if not outright eliminated, the failure rate of previous models. We have no reported cases to date.
It's not economically viable to re-tool production lines to apply our improved industrial designs to any of the Grip cases that are currently marked as "Sold Out".
We're probably going to do it anyways.
We're running the simulations right now to determine which older devices will be re-tooled.
Take our survey to help determine which devices we'll be re-tooling.

What if Panem was based on Europe?

++IN DIRE NEED OF A CASINO CLIENT FOR MOBILE++ Give me a mobile client that can run on Nokia and iOS

Mobil Casinoer

Lakers Casino Night Event at Club Nokia in LA

Ana Chapter 9

9.
As they turned 16 years old, the cousins heard much from and about a new upstart in competition named Monty whose last name was Montalvo and from whom many foul rumors concerning the cousins had originated. Ana and her antics had alienated enough of their customer base that they sided with Monty and laughed as they shared the insulting falsehoods to each other about Juan and Ana.
Some said that Ana was, in fact, not attracted to men at all and was, indeed, a closet lesbian. This was, according to Monty and those who spread his gossip, the reason that she could never be found with any boy other than her cousin and why she had been so effective selling cocaine, for even her connection, according to the rumors, was a manly, shorthaired Mexican woman who worked for the cartels and from whom Ana enjoyed great favor as the stud woman’s much younger and beautiful lover.
There was hearsay, also from Monty, that contradicted this. It implied that the cousins’ relationship was more than familial. Versions of this varied depending on who told it. Some said that secretly they’d attempted to get married and made no mention of a child. Others never said anything about a marriage but proclaimed that when Juan and Ana were still 13 years old, they’d had a child together. And this child was taken from them by the state being the result of their incestuous love affair. Still, some versions of the bruit said that the child was never taken by the state at all. They said it was born a mangled mess of twisted limbs and a misshaped head, a result of the inbreeding, and had died the very night it was born. Some whispered that the infant’s remains were buried by Juan and Ana in the forest around Valle Escondido.
For Ana, the must grotesque and insufferable of all the lies coming from their competitor said that she only wore skirts to hide the fact that she’d been born with male genitalia. It was purported that she’d been born a hermaphrodite. And as if such vulgar conjecture weren’t horrible enough, there were multiple standing bets among Monty’s minions which speculated not only about the existence of such testicles, but their size and shape and even the odor they emanated.
Many of the cousins’ customers and cohorts knew better. For Taos is small, and there is no way that such things could be hidden among the native-born, but this Monty had only moved to town from Colorado Springs the summer before. His brother was a police officer named Jose Montalvo, and a week after Juan and Ana had someone call Monty to meet by the Old Blinking Light and the cousins shot up his car in the darkness, Officer J. Montalvo pulled the cousins over. They were at the northside Allsup’s getting some chimichangas. Juan’s orange soda had just exploded as he opened it when the red and blue lights flashed behind them.
They pulled over in the Kit Carson Trailer Park. It was lucky for them that they were not out doing business, so nothing could be found, no gun, no drugs, nothing. Monty’s older brother made it clear who he was and why he had stopped them.
“Next time, I’ll call the dogs. And next time, you’ll be in possession. My brother says hello.” He said, flashing his light in their eyes and laughing and leaving back to his car.
On a Sunday at 1 a.m. and the Monday night following at 11:52, gun shots blasted from the dirt driveway up to Cherry’s trailer. A bullet shattered Ana’s window and thudded in the wall above her head. Another put a hole in her bedroom door. Other of the projectiles deflated the tires of their trusty Pontiac and shattered its windows and busted the radiator.
Cherry kicked them out. They purchased another vehicle—a wood-paneled van—and holed up at a bed and breakfast owned by a white hippy lady in Sipapu. From their room, Ana made plans to thwart the territorial advances of Monty and the help he was getting from his brother. It was told her that Jose Montalvo drove a yellow Datsun and rented an apartment behind the northside Guadalajara Grille, so she prepackaged a sandwich bag full of smaller bagged increments of the powder and visited the Datsun under cover of a frozen night and stuffed the bags of drugs into the small, shelved space under the driver seat. After that, she and Juan drove to Santa Fe, where they found and rented a trailer on Cerrillos in an immigrant trailer park.
They would start anew in Santa Fe, and after a week of being there, Ana called her old relative—the detective Gilbert Sandoval—and told him over the payphone receiver that she was the worried older sister of a young boy who’d been caught up in the world of drugs. She said she knew that her little brother’s supplier sold cocaine and kept a cache of drugs hidden under the front seat of his yellow Datsun which he kept parked in front of a small, squatty apartment behind the northside Guadalajara Grille. Old Gilbert spoke sincerely saying that he would do his best to find out what was going on, and in another week, Ana and Juan heard from one of their old customers that drug dogs had been walked behind the vehicle and signaled and a warranted was executed on the vehicle. The news even showed up in the Santa Fe paper. It said the investigation was ongoing and other parties were expected to be involved in a drug ring.
As that January ended, Juan and Ana became desperate. Sales were way down, and except for a few faithful customers with whom they corresponded over their newly purchased Nokia cellphone and met in Pojoaque and at the Camel Rock Casino. Sometimes, Juan goaded Ana to suck it up and ask Michael or Antonia for help up in Chimayo, but she always responded the same.
“Juan, this only works the way it does, because it is this way. We can’t go sit on top of him and Antonia’s man’s business in Española, que no?”
“Yeah. You’re right. You’re right,” Juan responded, but both of them could not ignore the depleted income and struggle to feel good about their time in Santa Fe.
“We’ll get back to Taos, eventually. I promise. We just have to wait till things blow over, until our boy is arrested and put away. Then, we’ll return to get our glory, cousin. I promise.”
And so, they sat outside of bars in their van and solicited the young white and well-to-do artsy types downtown, standing in the snow and smoking cigarettes and pot in their leather shoes. Some of the men had twirly mustaches, and some of the women wore rings in their noses and had hair in their armpits. They reeked of patchouli and burnt sage.
Others, though, were richer and lived on their daddy’s money or trust funds. They were dropouts from universities in places like Tempe, Arizona or Boulder, Colorado. And it wasn’t long before a tall, black-haired girl with big blue eyes and an even bigger nose parked her car outside of their trailer and slept in Juan’s bed and lay around lazily all day. Sometimes, Tiffy—as she called herself and short for Tiffany—helped them sell their product, and other times, she used the money her father sent her to buy it herself. Other times, she earned her stash of cocaine from Juan with her strange white flesh. But still, times were hard. Sales were down.
A connection they’d made through Tiffy had connected them to another buyer who went by the name Scratch or Scratchy. He was reliably in need of an ounce or more toward the end of every work week when he came up from Albuquerque. In many ways, this guy seemed a godsend, but as they met him more and more, Ana became leery of him. She’d had a nightmare about him, and in her own mind, she silently called him ‘The Worm.’ There was something about him that scared her, though she couldn’t place it.
He had creases in his face and was short with wild looking eyes and strong teeth and hands. They met him at night in the snow on the side of the road in Bernalillo or in the afternoon in Dollar Store parking lots. He only talked to Juan, but long after they’d left him, his looks and stares would stay with Ana who kept her hand on a pistol in the front seat at every deal they did. On a few occasions, Juan relayed messages back to Ana from the man about how pretty she looked and that if she was ever hungry for an expensive dinner, he’d be happy to take her out.
One day, Juan jumped back into the front seat of their van, and Ana asked,
“Got the cash or what?”
“Got the feria right here, cousin!”
And shook her head and pulled her lip back in disgusted uncertainty, watching Scratch’s taillights pulling out of the parking lot and driving off into the sunset.
“What, Ana? Ain’t this cherry?”
“It’s cherry… but…”
“But what?”
“But… I don’t know about this guy.”
“Don’t know about him?”
“Yeah, Juan. Why’s he so splotchy? Huh? Why’s he look so crazy?”
“He’s a whiteboy, Ana. C’mon. You know that.”
“I see a lot of whiteboys. None of them look like him. He looks like a worm to me.”
“A la verga!” Juan drew the words out in exaggeration.
“What?”
“You like the money or what?”
“Doesn’t matter if I like it. We need it.”
“Exactly.”
“What did he say?”
“What did he say? Oh cousin, I see what’s going on here.”
“What?”
“You want to know what he said? A la verga! You’re a funny one, cousin.”
“Okay. So, he didn’t say anything.”
“Well, if you hate him so much, then what you wanna know what he says for?”
Ana shrugged, understanding that she was showing Juan a hand she didn’t know she held. Juan went on,
“He asked what kind of gun you were holding onto and said for you not to shoot him.”
Ana laughed loudly and asked,
“Well, what did you say?”
“I told him it was just a nine.”
“Funny,” she said and touched her lips for a moment. She looked through the window as they drove north to Santa Fe.
“Yeah, Ana. Better get a grip on yourself.”
“Pshh… whatever.” But what she had just revealed to Juan was also just revealed to her at that same moment. Ana didn’t know what her feelings were until Juan saw it. Then, she knew. Then, she understood what she was experiencing, and now, as they drove, she pressed her toes through her shoes and into the floorboard. Her knees bounced. Her cheeks pulled the corners of her mouth up into a smile that she couldn’t help, and in spite of all her giddiness, she said what she still thought, “Yeah, Juan. But I still think he’s gross. I still think he’s a worm.”

The Power of Tells

What you are looking for is..... (Link in the Desc.)1

Wirtschafts- und Finanztermine 27. bis 31.07.2020

MONTAG, DEN 27. JULI 2020
TERMINE UNTERNEHMEN 07:00 BEL: UCB, Halbjahreszahlen 07:00 DEU: SAP, Q2-Zahlen (detailliert) (Analysten-Call 14.00 h) 07:30 NLD: KPN, Halbjahreszahlen 07:45 SWE: Recipharm, Q2-Zahlen 08:00 IRL: Ryanair, Q1-Zahlen 14:00 GBR: Linde, Hauptversammlung (online) 17:45 FRA: LVMH, Halbjahreszahlen 17:45 FRA: Michelin, Halbjahreszahlen
TERMINE UNTERNEHMEN OHNE ZEITANGABE FRA: Faurecia, Halbjahreszahlen FRA: Edenred, Q2-Zahlen FRA: Imerys, Halbjahreszahlen USA: Hasbro, Q2-Zahlen USA: NXP Semiconductors, Q2-Zahlen
TERMINE KONJUNKTUR 07:00 JPN: Frühindikatoren 05/20 (endgültig) 10:00 EUR: Geldmenge M3 06/20 10:00 DEU: Ifo-Geschäftsklima 07/20 14:30 USA: Auftragseingang langlebiger Güter 06/20
DIENSTAG, DEN 28. JULI 2020
TERMINE UNTERNEHMEN 07:00 AUT: Bawag Group, Q2-Zahlen 07:00 NLD: BE Semiconductor, Halbjahreszahlen 07:00 DEU: Delivery Hero, Q2 Trading Update 07:00 DEU: Fraport, Verkehrszahlen 30. Kalenderwoche 07:00 DEU: Voltabox, Q1-Zahlen und Geschäftsbericht 2019 07:30 FRA: Rexel, Halbjahreszahlen 08:00 DEU: Washtec, Halbjahreszahlen und Hauptversammlung (online 10.00 h) 08:00 GBR: Reckitt Benckiser, Q2-Zahlen 08:00 FRA: PSA, Halbjahreszahlen 10:00 DEU: BayWa, Hauptversammlung (online) 10:30 DEU: AdCapital, Hauptversammlung (online) 12:30 USA: 3M, Q2-Zahlen 12:45 USA: Pfizer, Q2-Zahlen 12:55 USA: Raytheon Technologies, Q2-Zahlen 13:00 USA: McDonald's, Q2-Zahlen 13:00 USA: Altria Group, Q2-Zahlen 14:00 DEU: PWO, Hauptversammlung (online) 17:45 FRA: Kering, Q2-Zahlen 18:00 NLD: ASM International, Q2-Zahlen 22:05 USA: Mondelez, Q2-Zahlen 22:10 USA: Ebay, Q2-Zahlen 22:15 USA: Visa, Q3-Zahlen 22:15 USA: Starbucks, Q3-Zahlen 22:25 USA: AMD, Q2-Zahlen
TERMINE UNTERNEHMEN OHNE ZEITANGABE CHE: SIG Combibloc, Halbjahreszahlen DEU: PSI Software, Halbjahreszahlen ESP: Endesa, Halbjahreszahlen ESP: Enagas, Q2-Zahlen FRA: Carrefour, Halbjahreszahlen USA: Amgen, Q2-Zahlen USA: Corning, Q2-Zahlen USA: Edison, Q2-Zahlen USA: JetBlue Airways, Q2-Zahlen USA: Harley-Davidson, Q2-Zahlen USA: Avis Budget, Q2-Zahlen
TERMINE KONJUNKTUR 09:00 ESP: Arbeitslosenquote Q2/20 16:00 USA: Verbrauchervertrauen 07/20 16:00 USA: Richmond Fed Herstellerindex 07/20 22:30 USA: API Ölbericht (Woche)
SONSTIGE TERMINE 09:00 DEU: Bundesgerichtshof prüft in zwei Fällen Schadenersatz-Ansprüche von VW-Käufern im Dieselskandal
MITTWOCH, DEN 29. JULI 2020
TERMINE UNTERNEHMEN 06:50 ESP: Banco Santander, Halbjahreszahlen 07:00 DEU: BASF, Q2-Zahlen (detailliert) (Presse-Call 9.00 h) 07:00 DEU: Deutsche Bank, Q2-Zahlen 07:00 DEU: Osram Licht, Q3-Zahlen 07:00 DEU: DWS, Q2-Zahlen 07:00 AUT: OMV, Q2-Zahlen 07:00 BEL: Solvay, Halbjahreszahlen 07:15 DEU: Dic Asset, Halbjahreszahlen 07:25 AUT: AMS, Q2-Zahlen (Pk 10.00 h) 07:30 DEU: Telefonica Deutschland, Q2-Zahlen 07:30 DEU: Koenig & Bauer, Q2-Zahlen 07:30 FRA: Sanofi, Halbjahreszahlen 07:30 FRA: Schneider Electric, Halbjahreszahlen 08:00 DEU: Puma, Q2-Zahlen (Call 9.30 h) 08:00 IRL: Smurfit Kappa, Halbjahreszahlen 08:00 GBR: Barclays, Halbjahreszahlen 08:00 GBR: Smith & Nephew, Halbjahreszahlen 08:00 GBR: Wizz Air, Q1-Zahlen 08:15 GBR: Rio Tinto, Halbjahreszahlen 12:00 USA: Spotify, Q2-Zahlen 12:15 USA: Blue Apron, Q2-Zahlen 13:00 SWE: Securitas, Q2-Zahlen 13:00 GBR: GlaxoSmithKline, Halbjahreszahlen 13:30 USA: General Motors, Q2-Zahlen 13:30 USA: Boeing, Q2-Zahlen 17:45 ITA: Enel, Halbjahreszahlen 17:45 FRA: Unibail-Rodamco-Westfield, Halbjahreszahlen 18:00 FRA: Vallourec, Halbjahreszahlen 19:00 DEU: Deutsche Börse, Q2-Zahlen 22:02 USA: Qualcomm, Q3-Zahlen 22:05 USA: Facebook, Q2-Zahlen 22:15 USA: PayPal, Q2-Zahlen
TERMINE UNTERNEHMEN OHNE ZEITANGABE FRA: Nexans, Halbjahreszahlen FRA: Klepierre, Halbjahreszahlen FRA: Societe BIC, Halbjahreszahlen GBR: Aston Martin, Halbjahreszahlen ITA: Saipem, Halbjahreszahlen ITA: Banca Generali, Q2-Zahlen ITA: Prada, Halbjahreszahlen NLD: Euronext, Halbjahreszahlen USA: CME Group, Q2-Zahlen USA: General Electric, Q2-Zahlen USA: General Dynamics, Q2-Zahlen USA: Boston Scientific, Q2-Zahlen USA: Lam Research, Q4-Zahlen
TERMINE KONJUNKTUR DEU: DIW Konjunkturbarometer 08:45 FRA: Verbrauchervertrauen 07/20 09:00 ESP: Einzelhandelsumsatz 06/20 10:00 ITA: Erzeugerpreise 06/20 11:30 DEU: Anleihe / Laufzeit: 15 Jhare / Volumen: 3,5 Mrd EUR 12:00 POL: Einzelhandelsumsatz 06/20 14:30 USA: Lagerbestände Großhandel 06/20 (vorläufig) 16:00 USA: Schwebende Hausverkäufe 06/20 16:30 USA: Energieministerium EIA, Ölbericht (Woche) 20:00 USA: Fed Zinsentscheid (Pk 20.30 h mit Fed-Chef Jerome Powell)
SONSTIGE TERMINE 11:00 DEU: Pk des Sparkassenverbandes u.a. zu Halbjahres-Ergebnissen und Auswirkungen der Corona-Krise 12:00 DEU: Bundesarbeitsgericht beschäftigt sich mit Äußerungen eines Betriebsrates über den Kurznachrichtendienst Twitter, Erfurt 13:00 Monopolkommission übergibt jährliches Hauptgutachten an Bundeswirtschaftsminister Peter Altmaier
DONNERSTAG, DEN 30. JULI 2020
TERMINE UNTERNEHMEN 06:15 GBR: Standard Chartered, Halbjahreszahlen 06:30 FRA: Airbus Group, Q2-Zahlen 06:30 CHE: LafargeHolcim, Halbjahreszahlen 06:45 CHE: Credit Suisse, Halbjahreszahlen 06:50 ESP: BBVA, Halbjahreszahlen 07:00 CHE: Clariant, Halbjahreszahlen 07:00 DEU: FMC, Q2-Zahlen 07:00 DEU: Fresenius, Q2-Zahlen, Bad Homburg 07:00 DEU: HeidelbergCement, Q2-Zahlen (detailliert) (Call 10.00 h) 07:00 DEU: Fuchs Petrolub, Halbjahreszahlen 07:00 DEU: Rational, Q2-Zahlen 07:00 DEU: Kion, Q2-Zahlen (detailliert) 07:00 DEU: Siltronic, Q2-Zahlen 07:00 DEU: Takkt, Q2-Zahlen 07:00 DEU: Hamborner Reit, Halbjahreszahlen (Call 11.00 h) 07:00 DEU: Grenke, Q2-Zahlen (detailliert) (Call 11.30 h) 07:00 BEL: Anheuser-Busch InBev, Halbjahreszahlen 07:00 BEL: Telenet, Halbjahreszahlen 07:00 CHE: Nestle, Halbjahreszahlen 07:00 LUX: ArcelorMittal, Halbjahreszahlen 07:15 DEU: Wacker Chemie, Q2-Zahlen 07:20 FRA: Air Liquide, Halbjahreszahlen 07:30 DEU: Volkswagen, Q2-Zahlen 07:30 DEU: Comdirect, Q2-Zahlen 07:30 DEU: Schaltbau Holding, Q2-Zahlen 07:30 DEU: Vossloh, Halbjahreszahlen 07:30 FRA: Total, Halbjahreszahlen 07:30 FRA: Danone, Halbjahreszahlen 07:30 FRA: Renault, Halbjahreszahlen 07:30 FRA: Veolia Environnement, Halbjahreszahlen 07:30 FRA: Orange, Halbjahreszahlen 07:30 ESP: Telefonica, Halbjahreszahlen 07:30 ESP: Siemens Gamesa, Q3-Zahlen 07:30 ITA: Eni, Halbjahreszahlen 07:45 DEU: Krones, Halbjahreszahlen 08:00 AUT: Verbund, Q2-Zahlen 08:00 FRA: EdF, Halbjahreszahlen 08:00 GBR: Shell, Halbjahreszahlen 08:00 GBR: National Express, Halbjahreszahlen 08:00 GBR: Shell, Q3-Zahlen 08:00 GBR: Anglo American, Halbjahreszahlen 08:00 GBR: AstraZeneca, Halbjahreszahlen 08:00 GBR: Lloyds Banking Group 08:00 GBR: Schroders, Halbjahreszahlen 09:00 DEU: EnBW, Q2-Zahlen (Call 10.00 h) 09:00 DEU: Baader Bank, Halbjahreszahlen 10:00 DEU: Covestro, Hauptversammlung (online) 10:00 DEU: R. Stahl, Hauptversammlung (online) 12:00 DEU: Linde, Q2-Zahlen (Call 16.00 h) 12:00 USA: Dupont de Nemours, Q2-Zahlen 12:00 USA: UPS, Q2-Zahlen 12:30 USA: Cigna, Q2-Zahlen 13:00 USA: Procter & Gamble, Q4-Zahlen 13:30 USA: Intercontinental Exchange, Q2-Zahlen 14:00 USA: Kellog, Q2-Zahlen 14:00 DEU: Deutsche Börse, Call Q2-Zahlen 17:35 FRA: Lagardere, Halbjahreszahlen 17:50 FRA: Saint-Gobain, Halbjahreszahlen 18:00 FRA: L'Oréal, Halbjahresumsatz 18:00 FRA: Vivendi, Halbjahreszahlen 22:02 USA: Alphabet, Q2-Zahlen 22:05 USA: Stryker, Q2-Zahlen 22:05 USA: Ford Motor Co, Q2-Zahlen 22:05 USA: Altice, Q2-Zahlen 22:30 USA: Apple, Q3-Zahlen
TERMINE UNTERNEHMEN OHNE ZEITANGABE AUS: Cimic Group, Halbjahreszahlen AUT: S&T, Halbjahreszahlen DEU: Porsche, Q2-Zahlen DEU: Deutsche Bahn, Halbjahres-Pk DUE: Diebold Nixdorf, Q2-Zahlen ESP: Ferrovial, Halbjahres-Pk ESP: Enagas, Halbjahreszahlen ESP: EDP Renovaveis, Q2-Zahlen FRA: Hermes, Halbjahreszahlen FRA: Safran, Halbjahreszahlen FRA: Korian, Halbjahreszahlen FRA: Casino, Halbjahreszahlen FRA: Suez, Halbjahreszahlen GBR: BAE Systems, Halbjahreszahlen GBR: Rentokil Initial, Halbjahreszahlen GBR: RSA Insurance Group, Halbjahreszahlen ITA: Assicurazioni Generali, Halbjahreszahlen ITA: Autogrill, Halbjahreszahlen ITA: De Longhi, Halbjahreszahlen ITA: Leonardo, Halbjahreszahlen ITA: Mediobanca, Jahreszahlen PRT: EDP, Halbjahreszahlen USA: Baxter International, Q2-Zahlen USA: Eli Lilly, Q2-Zahlen USA: Conoco Phillips, Q2-Zahlen USA: Valero Energy, Q2-Zahlen USA: Stanley Black & Decker, Q2-Zahlen USA: International Paper, Q2-Zahlen USA: Comcast, Q2-Zahlen USA: Northrop Grumman, Q2-Zahlen USA: The Kraft Heinz, Q2-Zahlen USA: Electronic Arts, Q1-Zahlen USA: Amazon.com, Q2-Zahlen USA: Mastercard, Q2-Zahlen USA: Moody's, Q2-Zahlen USA: Expedia, Q2-Zahlen
TERMINE KONJUNKTUR 01:50 JPN: Einzelhandelsumsatz 06/20 08:00 DEU: BIP Q2/20 (vorläufig) 08:45 FRA: Erzeugerpreise 06/20 09:00 DEU: Verbraucherpreise Sachsen 07/20 09:00 AUT: BIP Q2/20 (vorläufig) 09:00 ESP: BIP Q2/20 (vorläufig) 09:00 ESP: Verbraucherpreise 07/20 (vorläufig) 09:55 DEU: Arbeitslosenzahlen 07/20 10:00 DEU: Verbraucherpreise Brandenburg, Hessen, Bayern 07/20 10:30 DEU: Verbraucherpreise Nordrhein-Westfalen 07/20 11:00 EUR: Wirtschaftsvertrauen 07/20 11:00 EUR: Industrievertrauen 07/20 11:00 BEL: BIP Q2/20 (vorläufig) 11:00 BEL: Arbeitslosenquote 06/20 11:00 EUR: Verbrauchervertrauen 07/20 (endgültig) 11:00 EUR: Arbeitslosenquote 06/20 12:00 POL: Industrieproduktion 06/20 14:00 DEU: Verbraucherepreise 07/20 (vorläufig) 14:30 USA: BIP Q2/20 (vorläufig) 14:30 USA: Privater Konsum Q2/220 (vorläufig) 14:30 USA: Erstanträge Arbeitslosenhilfe (Woche)
FREITAG, DEN 31. JULI 2020
TERMINE UNTERNEHMEN 07:00 CHE: Swiss Re, Halbjahreszahlen 07:00 DEU: Nemetschek, Q2-Zahlen 07:00 FIN: Nokia, Q2-Zahlen 07:00 FRA: BNP Paribas, Halbjahreszahlen 07:00 FRA: EssilorLuxottica, Halbjahreszahlen 07:15 FRA: Air France-KLM, Halbjahreszahlen 07:30 FRA: Vinci, Halbjahreszahlen 07:30 DEU: ProSiebenSat.1, Q2-Zahlen 07:30 DEU: Befesa, Q2-Zahlen 07:30 DEU: RIB Software, Q2-Zahlen 07:30 AUT: Erste Group Bank, Q2-Zahlen 08:00 DEU: Traton, Halbjahreszahlen (Call 10.00 h) 08:00 GBR: BT Group, Q1-Zahlen 08:00 GBR: British American Tobacco, Halbjahreszahlen 08:00 GBR: Royal Bank of Scotland Group, Halbjahreszahlen 08:00 GBR: London Stock Exchange (LSE), Halbjahreszahlen 08:15 FRA: Engie, Halbjahreszahlen 09:30 ESP: Amadeus IT, Halbjahreszahlen 10:00 DEU: Audi, Hauptversammlung (online) und Halbjahreszahlen 12:30 USA: Caterpillar, Q2-Zahlen 12:45 USA: Chevron, Q2-Zahlen 12:45 USA: Merck & Co, Q2-Zahlen 12:55 USA: Under Armour, Q2-Zahlen 13:00 GBR: Fiat Chrysler Automobiles, Q2-Zahlen 13:30 USA: Exxon Mobil, Q2-Zahlen
TERMINE UNTERNEHMEN OHNE ZEITANGABE AUT: Andritz AG, Q2-Zahlen DEU: Steinhoff, Halbjahreszahlen BEL: Umicore, Halbjahreszahlen ESP: CaixaBank, Halbjahreszahlen FRA: Legrand, Halbjahreszahlen, Limoges GBR: International Airlines Group (IAG), Halbjahreszahlen und Verkehrszahlen USA: Colgate-Palmolive, Q2-Zahlen USA: Weyerhaeuser, Q2-Zahlen USA: AbbVie, Q2-Zahlen
TERMINE KONJUNKTUR 01:30 JPN: Arbeitslosenzahlen 06/20 01:50 JPN: Industrieproduktion 06/20 (vorab) 03:00 CHN: PMI Verarbeitendes Gewerbe und Dienste 07/20 07:00 JPN: Wohnungsbaubeginne 06/20 07:30 FRA: BIP Q2/20 (vorläufig) 08:45 FRA: Verbraucherpreise 07/20 (vorläufig) 10:00 ITA: BIP Q2/20 (vorläufig) 10:00 POL: Verbraucherpreise 07/20 (vorläufig) 11:00 EUR: BIP Q2/20 (vorläufig) 11:00 ITA: Verbraucherpreise 07/20 (vorläufig) 11:00 EUR: Verbraucherpreise 07/20 (vorläufig) 14:30 USA: Private Einkommen und Ausgaben 06/20 15:45 USA: MNI Chicago PMI 07/20 16:00 USA: Uni Michigan Verbrauchervertrauen 07/20 (vorläufig)
EUR: Moody's Ratingergebnis Deutschland, Moldawien EUR: S&P Ratingergebnis Albanien EUR: Fitch Ratingergebnis Litauen

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OBLIGATORY FILLER MATERIAL – Just take a hard left at Daeseong-dong…6

Company Name	Title	City
Centerline Driver	CDL Class A Truck Driver	Claremont
Centerline Driver	Class A Reefer Driver	Compton
Centerline Driver	Non CDL Class C Driver	Compton
Sandia National Laboratories	Postdoctoral Appointee - Quantum Computing & Quantum Information Theory	Livermore
Agemark Senior Living	Cook Full Time	Oakdale
Workday	Principal Software Engineer - Big Data Services	Pleasanton
The Home Depot	Freight/Receiving	Rancho Santa Margarita
Pechanga Resort & Casino	PGC Front Desk Coordinator	Temecula
Pechanga Resort & Casino	Baja Express CashieCook-PT	Temecula
Rush Enterprises	Diesel Mechanic	Ceres
The Home Depot	Cashier	Dana Point
The Home Depot	Freight/Receiving	Loma Linda
Catalyst Kids	Substitute Teacher	South Lake Tahoe
Catalyst Kids	Preschool Program - Associate Teacher	South Lake Tahoe
Catalyst Kids	School Age Program - Teacher	South Lake Tahoe
Rush Enterprises	Diesel Mechanic	Sylmar
Rush Enterprises	Diesel Mechanic	Whittier
YRC Freight	CDL A Truck Driver	Aliso Viejo
YRC Freight	CDL A Truck Driver	Apple Valley
YRC Freight	CDL A Truck Driver	Azusa
Mitre	Lead Satellite Communication (SATCOM) Systems Engineer	El Segundo
Hogan Transportation	Class A CDL Car Haul Truck Drivers	Altadena
Hogan Transportation	CDL A Drivers - Car Haul - $24.00/Hour - Home Daily	La Palma
Hogan Transportation	CDL A Drivers - Car Haul - $24.00/Hour - Home Daily	South Pasadena
Reddaway Trucking	Truck Driver CDL A	Acampo
Amerit Fleet Solutions	Trailer Fleet Maintenance + Monthly Bonuses + OT	Arcadia
Reddaway Trucking	Truck Driver CDL A	Camino
Reddaway Trucking	Truck Driver CDL A	Caruthers
Cross Country Allied	Imaging - Ultrasonographer Echo	Chico
ClearChoice Dental Implant Centers	Dental Implant Sales Consultant	Encino
Home Depot	Freight/Receiving	Holy City
Nokia	Sr Software Development Engineer	Mountain View
Acquire Health	Sales Representative	Pearsonville
Centra Healthcare Solutions	Occupational Therapist (OT) - SNF / LTC	Porterville
Suburban Propane	CDL Driver	Rancho Cordova
Amerit Fleet Solutions	Refrigeration Technician - 1st Shift	Tracy
Avalon Health Care	Administrator NHA	Acampo
Avalon Health Care	Certified Nursing Assistant CNA	Acampo
Avalon Health Care	Licensed Vocational Nurse LVN	Acampo
Walmart	Fulfillment Center Team Member - Make $22.75 per hour!	Azusa

Continuing.
After the third pony keg of beer was delivered, it was decided that the next few days would be spent in the conference room discussing what we thought was the best way forward.
We wanted dry-erase boards so we could start taking detailed notes, even though I was well ahead of the curve in that regard. We instead ended up with some mobile elementary-school blackboards and a pile of grainy, sooty chalk.
Leave it to Dr. Cliff to go into a discourse on the genesis of chalk and its economic importance.
Bloody carbonate geologists.
Bloody White Cliffs.
We geologists need to punctuate their conversations with pictures, so these would suffice quite well.
At 1700 hours, the official end to the workday was called; we’d meet here again tomorrow. I’m not certain by whom, but it was readily agreed upon. We were more or less on our own until 1000 the next day. I needed to spend some time in my room with my notes and update a number of dossiers, field notebooks, and other items I was using as a running chronicle.
Several folks decided to invade one of the hotel’s restaurants for dinner. Some wanted to head to the casino, a couple wanted to get a massage, and others wanted to do what tourists are normally wont to do on the second day of being a foreigner in a foreign land.
I declined invitations to dinner and other activities, as I had a long writing session in front of me. I wanted to get this all in its proper place while the memories and notes were still fresh.
30 minutes later, in my room after a 25-minute wait for the elevator; I’m updating dossiers, creating several new ones, and updating my field notebooks. Suddenly, after an hour’s work, I notice something is amiss.
“I don’t have a drink or a cigar,” I said to the four walls. “This. Will. Not. Do.”
I was used to Happy Hour in Russia. Happy hour is slightly different; there are no ice cubes or orange-peel twists in the vodka. Also, it lasts all day.
I remedy that situation by finding and clipping a nice, oily oscuro cigar and digging the bourbon out from under my boxer-briefs in my dresser drawer. I heft the bottle and feel that it’s significantly lighter than when I left it last night. I happen to look in the trash can and spy the wrapper for a box of my festively colored Sobranie cigarettes I obtained back in Dubai.
“Hmmm”, I think, “It would appear that we have some light-fingered Cho Louies or No Louises around here. I’d best guard my supplies a little more securely.”
I move all my smokeables into one of my now emptied aluminum travel cases. They lock with the stoutest of combinations and it will be readily apparent if anyone is fucking with them.
I move some of my best booze into the pretty much worthless in-room safe. With a deft application of duct tape, I seal the safe. It may not be the most secure spot on the planet, but if anyone tries anything troublesome, they’ll leave an immediately recognizable record of what they were up to. It’s just too obvious; they’d have to be crazy to go in after anything inside there.
My money, keys, and passports are in the safe deposit box down in the lobby that the hotel supplies for visiting dignitaries. Even so, they let me keep my shit in one of them anyway.
That handled, I spend another hour writing like a madman. I suddenly realize I’m tired of all this and need a diversion as well as some food and, of course, drink.
30 minutes later, I’m down in the byzantine basement tunnels of the hotel. It’s crowded with hordes of Chinse tourists, and the casino is ground zero for the incredibly loud chatter.
I look in on the bowling alleys all three of them, and they’re full. The massage parlor is hopping, although I leave my name and they promise they will call over the PA when a suitable masseuse is available. Evidently, I ‘intimidate’ some of the more demure ones.
I wander over to the bar, now there’s a surprise, and see it’s packed to the rafters as well. I decide to wait for a seat to open up on Mahogany Ridge when there’s some gargling over the PA and a pair of Chinese nationals leave the bar in great haste.
I grab one of the two newly open seats, much to the chagrin of a couple of Oriental Unidentifiables (OU) who had their eye on them as well.
“Sorry, mate”, I said, “First come, first served. It’s the capitalist way.”
One of the pair grabs a seat and the other just stands there, looking annoyed unspent bullets in my direction. Forget that I’ve literally twice their size and could be an aberration as an angry American. They just order a couple of drinks, and content themselves in giving me dirty looks and probably say nasty things in their own indecipherable language about my national origin and familial heritage.
As if I gave the tiniest of rodental shits.
I fire up a cigar, as literally everyone else in the joint was smoking something more or less tobacco. However, there was a definite barnyard aroma, a regular Dairy Air, in the room. I think some of what was being smoked there was more bovine or equine in origin than botanical in nature.
With numerous hilarious attempts at Korean, pointing at a garishly photographed drinks menu, I was finally served a cold draft house steam porter and 100 milliliters of probably ersatz ‘Russian’ vodka, vintage late last Thursday. This bartender that could at least form some of the phonemes found in American English. A few. A definite few.
Since it all cost the equivalent of US$0.50, I really didn’t care.
Apparently vodka helps flowers last longer when they're dying. But you can put vodka in anything and it'll make it better.
Being a trained observer, I rather enjoy just sitting in any old bar, smoking my cigar, drinking my Yorshch, and watching people. I try and not be intrusive and I never eavesdrop, but I like to try and think of what strange set of circumstances brought us all here together in this place at this time. It gives me writing ideas, some of which I jot down in a notebook I always carry. It also gives me a good shot of nostalgia when I look back at something I wrote some 40 or so years ago.
Yeah, old habits do die hard.
I take a drag off my cigar and set it in the ashtray in front of me on the bar as I go to correct another egregious misspelling in my notebook. I have to immediately proofread what I wrote, or I’d never recall later what the fuck I was trying to convey; especially if it’s in a noisy, smoky, or murky milieu.
Quicker than a bunny fucks, Unidentifiable Oriental #1 (UO #1) deftly reaches over, snags my cigar, and helps himself to a few mouthy puffs.
I look at him, the empty ashtray directly in front of me, him again, and then UO #2.
Since I speak no real Oriental, much less Korean, language, and my Mandarin at this point is worse than laughable; I just point to the cigar, turn out my hands and shrug my shoulders in the international “What the actual fuck, dude?” gesture.
He just smiles a gappy, toothy, and snaggle-toothed at that, grin at me and makes a point of ensuring that I see him enjoying a few more drags on my own damned cigar.
Not able to contain myself any further, I venture a “What the fuck, chuckles? That’s not your fucking cigar.”
Like gasoline being tossed on a fire-ring full of embers, they both go unconditionally incoherently insane.
Yammering, chattering, jumping up and down, and getting right into my face. They wanted me to unquestionably understand that my few words of English insulted them far more than their filching of my $20 cigar.
OK, I’m pretty well trained in Hapkido; an oddly, given the present situation, hybrid Korean martial art. I’m at least 6 or 7 inches taller and who knows how many stone/kilos/pounds/Solar masses heavier than these two clowns. I could easily go all Gojira on their hapless asses and mop significant expanses of the floorboards with them.
Instead, I look around for the bartender. I figured since I was keeping him well supplied with Korean won via tips, and he spoke some English as well as perhaps whatever the fuck these characters were chattering; maybe he could get to the bottom of what was happening.
The bartender walks over and I ask him to ask the two unidentifiable twins why they stole my cigar.
He nods in agreement and goes on in whatever the fuck dialect was being used today by the pair.
“They say they wanted it. So they took it.” They ask, “What are you going to do about it?” the bartender relates.
I deftly reach inside my field vest, as everyone concerned ducks and covers.
I extract two fresh cigars; not a .454 Casull Magnum.
I give one cigar to the bartender and one to OU#2.
“With my compliments.” I pleasantly say.
I was well apprised of the fact that in certain places like this, the local authorities often approach foreigners with, for the lack of a better term, ‘Agents Provocateur’.
Like the Westboro Baptist “Church”, they try to get a rise out of you so you’ll lose your cool and either create a scene or take a poke at the miscreant. Then they have all the pretext they require to drag you to the local hoosegow, shake you down for every penny on your person, as well as any phones, notebooks, wallets, passports, cigars, cigarettes, etc.
Basically, they goad you into a fight, then drop the thousand-pound shit-hammer when you retaliate.
It’s all so parochial. So obviously clear as vodka; this elementary charade only raised a single eyebrow.
I’m not going to even raise my voice over a couple of cheap cigars that neither of them noticed I slipped them instead of the premium ones I was smoking.
Thus defeated, I asked the bartender to ask them if they liked the cigar.
“What do you think?” I asked in cordial English, “Too tightly rolled? Not caged enough? Too green?”
UO #2 slipped and said “It smells very good…” where he realizes he’s blown his cover.
“Yeah, I like it too.”, I replied, “So much so, I buy my own. What are your badge numbers, boys? I will be reporting this incident to Inspector P'aeng Yeong-Hwan, the head of security for the IUPGS conference to which I was invited as special scientific consultant.”
Of course, they immediately dummy up and feign illiteracy.
I say loudly and very clearly, “You bastards aren’t gonna get away with this. I mean, what is going on in this country when scumsuckers like you can get away with trying to sandbag a Doctor of Geological Sciences?”
I ask the bartender to translate, but alas, it was too late. They vamoosed when I turned to talk with the bartender.
They left so fast, they didn’t notice me snapping their pictures with my ancient but trusty Nokia 3310, revised edition, during our little chat. Even with a mere 2-megapixel picture, I have enough to show the North Korean leaders of the project to get an identification and make known my displeasure of being treated like some commoner or buffoon.
They left both my cigar and the one I gave them. The bartender tucked the cigar I gave him into his pocket and stared lustily at the two remaining on the bar.
“Take’em”, I said. I sure as fuck don’t want them. “Just a clean ashtray and a refill, if you would be so kind,” I say, as pleasantly as possible, considering the situation.
Both the unsmoked and my smoldering, as well as well-traveled, cigar disappear as quickly as minks rut. A clean, new ashtray, double beer and ‘vodka’ suddenly appear.
“No charge, Dr. Rock”, the bartender grins, as he shoves my erstwhile high-mileage cigar between his teeth.
“OK, fair enough.”, I say, “Spaseebah.”, and deposit a raft of won on the bar. The pile won’t be touched until after I leave in a few hours’ time.
“Stranger in a strange land.” I muse over a couple of further beers.
The call from the massage parlor never came, or it did and I couldn’t hear it over the clamor of the casino. I went up to the hotel’s Korean restaurant; had some salty soup, a sad, sad salad, and some form of funky fish, I think, for dinner. I retired that night in a slightly foul mood.
I called Es then the next morning and caught her before she retired. With a 14 hour difference between us, I was getting up at 0700 and she was getting ready to hit the hay at 2100.
I told her of the events of the day previous, and she was glad she wasn’t tagging along. She would have never accused the Korean geologists of being behind the times and would have probably bent the guy’s nose that swiped my cigar.
Agreed, that she’d probably be unimpressed with this place. I promised her that we’d go on a holiday when I returned from all this. It would be up to her to find out ‘where,’ and I’d supply the ‘when’ when I could.
Everything else was going along smoothly, more or less, on the home front, and I didn’t want to give the local listening-in federales too much to say grace over, so we said our parting admirations and rang off.
Shower, shower sunriser of real vodka and citrus, a quick brush and comb, and spiff of cargo shorts and new ghastly Hawaiian shirt; 30 minutes later, back down in the restaurant for the inevitable breakfast buffet.
After what some would consider breakfast and others would consider a vague attempt at nourishment, we reconvened in the conference room precisely at 1012.
Nothing like precision with this group.
We spend the next two days going over, in various groups, what we think would be required to set forth proper the quest for oil and gas in North Korea on track. Everyone got in on the act, and we advocated for that. We needed everyone’s input to make this happen. Or to even map a way forward to present to country officials. Those from the West on what was needed and those from the East to tell us what was available, and the combined wetware to make what needed to be done happen with what existed.
It took no small amount of doing, but we secured a set of maps that covered the entire country. We were watched very closely by the shiny suit squad that we did not copy, photograph or otherwise take any extraneous information from these sheets of infamy. All other maps in the country were intentionally skewed, with errors deliberately added in to confuse “interlopers, spies, or other personas non grata”.
I made a massive stink and told them that if we didn’t receive the unfuckered maps, aerial photographs and satellite imagery pronto, we’re packing up and leaving that afternoon.
“We don’t have time for monks resisting the carnival. We didn’t come here to try and guess if the maps are correct or if our remedies will actually work on maps that say one thing and reality says something else entirely.”
They hemmed and hawed, but as I made the announcement to all before lunch that if the real maps didn’t appear by the time we returned from tiffin, we’re gone.
And we take tiffin purty durn early round these parts, buckaroo.
No one was surprised as I when we returned and there were folio after folio of government-uncensored maps, photos, and imagery for our program. I guess they finally reasoned it would be a relatively good idea to begin to take us seriously.
We spent one whole day just going over our field geological apparatus. They had a good idea of how to use a direction-finder compass and Jacob’s staff to measure sections. However, they were totally flummoxed by our Brunton Compasses, GPS systems, curiously referred to as ‘position finders’, notebook mapping applications, and electronic data storage and retrieval systems.
Gad. It was like being back in the 1970s before PCs were a glimmer in IBM's corporate orbs.
We spent the next week working to bring our less fortunate colleagues up to, well, not date, but at least up to the brink of the 21st century. We explained that plate tectonics, continental drift, and the precession of the continents was accepted geoscientific principles, not some arcane Capitalist or Socialist plot to undermine the quality of science in the east.
Yep. It was that mindset we had to first conquer. I think we’ve made great headway in that direction today.
The next Chautauqua session had us split up into two separate groups. We decided in a fit of Cesarean inquiry to ‘divide and conquer’. There are two distinct milieus which are able to contain economic deposits of hydrocarbons: onshore and offshore.
Instead of attacking both head-on, we’d focus initially on the offshore domain. Once we had a good handle on what was going on under the East Korean Sea, the Huangai (Yellow) Sea and surreptitiously, the South Sea; we’d collaborate our findings and work to tie them in and extend them onshore.
The singular Phyongnam Basin is the one large depositional, sedimentological, and structural basin in North Korea. It is filled by the Joeson and Pyeongan Supergroups of sediments, which are Cambro-Ordovician and Permocarboniferous, respectively. These are good hunting grounds for oil and gas. Could be elephant–hunting country.
But before we could undertake that, we had to get ‘back to basics’. That is, we had to understand and delineate the ‘frame’ of the Korean Peninsula. In other words, we needed to figure out how and when the peninsula came into existence.
South Korea’s geology is much more complex, fortunately than that found in the North. There were nasty side comments that were due to the relative development not of the geology, but of the geologists who studied each country’s geology.
It was, perhaps, a mean way of characterizing the situation. But, unfortunately, it was also probably fairly accurate.
The Korean Peninsula is characterized by huge massifs, which are sections of a crust that are demarcated by faults or flexures. In the movement of the crust, a massif tends to retain its internal structure while being displaced as a whole. The term also refers to a group of mountains formed by such a structure. It’s basically one huge, semi-resilient rock.
The basement rocks of the Korean Peninsula consist of high-grade gneiss and schist, Paleoproterozoic Precambrian massifs, which formed in the early stage of Earth’s history. These rocks are unconformably overlain by metasedimentary rocks; schist, quartzite, marble, calcsilicate, and amphibolite, of the Middle to Late Proterozoic. The Korean Peninsula is floored by a collation of about five of these huge Precambrian massifs that acted like ‘microplates’ during the aggregation of the peninsula. These massifs consist of thick dolostone, metavolcanics, and schist, which were intruded by Paleoproterozoic granites.
These Paleoproterozoic metasedimentary and granitic rocks underwent repeated intracrustal differentiation, followed by the events of cratonization, i.e., regional metamorphism and igneous activity, at 1.9-1.8 Ga. Sediments deposited in the peripheral basins during the Mesoproterozoic and Neoproterozoic lead to stabilization as the basement of the peninsula.
These early depositional basins formed the locus of deposition that continued on from the Proterozoic through the Phanerozoic. There are at least three, perhaps four, depositional basins in the south which are delimited by structural zones, such as the South Korean Tectonic Line (SKTL), a huge zone of continental transform faults and forms the basis of boundary demarcation between the Okcheon and Taebaeksan basins.
The boundary between the Seochangri Formation of the Okcheon Basin and the Joseon Supergroup of the Taebaeksan Basin in the Bonghwajae area is a thrust (or reverse‐slip shear zone). This thrust is presumably a relay structure (i.e. a restraining bend) between two segments of a continental transform fault (the South Korean Tectonic Line or SKTL), along which the Okcheon Basin of the South China Craton was juxtaposed against the Taebaeksan Basin of the North China Craton during the Permian–Triassic suturing of the two cratons.
In the late Proterozoic, sedimentation was initiated in basins of the Korean Peninsula, accompanied by deposition of siliciclastic and volcaniclastic sediments as well as carbonates. The massifs were submerged in the Early Paleozoic during a greenhouse period, forming a shallow marine platform and associated environments.
The Cambrian-Ordovician succession unconformably overlies Precambrian granite gneiss. It consists of mixed carbonate-siliciclastic rocks of sandstone, shale, and shallow-marine carbonates. Sedimentation was initiated in the Early Cambrian with a global rise in sea level on the stable craton of the Sino-Korean Block.
There was a major break in sedimentation during the Silurian and Devonian periods in the entire platform. During the Carboniferous to early Triassic, sedimentation was resumed in coastal plain and swamp environments with progradation of deltas.
Major tectonic events were initiated in the Triassic when the South China Block collided with the Sino-Korean Block. The eastern part of the Sino-Korean Block rotated clockwise and moved southward relative to the South China Block along the SKTL.
In the Middle-Late Jurassic, orthogonal subduction of the paleo-Pacific plate under the Asian continent caused compression and thrust deformation. A number of piggyback basins formed along the thrust faults in the east of the SKTL. At the same time, the entire peninsula was prevailed by granite batholiths, especially along the northeast-southwest-trending tectonic belt.
In the Cretaceous Period, the paleo-Pacific Plate subducted northward under the Asian continent, forming numerous extensional (left-lateral strike-slip) basins in the southern part of the peninsula and the Yellow Sea. A large back-arc basin was initiated in the southeastern part.
In the Paleogene, both the volcanic arc and the back-arc basin ceased to develop, as volcanic activities shifted eastward, accompanied by a rollback of the subduction of the Pacific plate. In the Miocene, pull-apart (right-lateral) basins formed in the eastern continental margin.
The Korea Plateau experienced continental rifting accompanied by extensive volcanism during the extensional opening of the southern offshore basin. It subsided more than 1000 m below sea level.
So, as South Korea was mix- mastered by a half-a-billion years’ worth of structural tectonism, which created several depositional basins quite capable of generating and storing economic quantities of oil and gas, the scene to the north was much more quiescent.
The North was composed, from south to north, of the relict Imjingang Belt, which was an old back-arc basin between the Gyeonggi Massif to the south and the Nagrim Massif to the north. It is a paleo-subduction zone, full of volcanics, volcaniclastics and other non-hydrocarbon bearing rocks. It was mashed and metamorphosed, and basically forms a convenient boundary between the complex geology of the South and the more relaxed geology of the North.
Heading north, we come across the Pyeongnam Basin, the only North Korean basin thus far defined that could contain hydrocarbons. Further north is the huge Nangrim Massif. It’s a huge block of igneous and metamorphic rocks that weather very nicely and form some spectacular scenery, but from an oil and gas economic outlook are worthless.
Offshore North Korea, there are two possible petroliferous basins. The offshore West Korea Bay Basin and East Sea Basin, along with five onshore basins could be offering exploration potential. At least ten exploration wells have been drilled in the West Sea, with some showing “good oil shows” along with the identification of a number of potential reservoirs.
The West Sea potentially has oil and has reportedly flowed oil at reasonable rates from at least two exploration wells when they were drilled and tested in the 1980s. Meanwhile, the East Sea has seen Russian exploration efforts previously including the drilling of two wells, both of which reportedly encountered encouraging shows of oil and gas.
Onshore, there has been little exploration to date, apart from efforts by the Korean Oil Exploration Corporation and also recently by Mongolia’s HBOil JSC (HBO). Among five main onshore sedimentary sub-basins, the largest is south of the capital; while unconfirmed reports point to a 1-trillion-cubic-foot (tcf) discovery in 2002.
Historically DPRK was thought to consist of five under-explored geological basins, the
• Pyongyang,
• Zaeryong,
• Anju-Onchon,
• Gilju-Myongchon and
• Sinuiju, Basins.
These basins are all located more or less along the coast, rather than inland. This also points to a certain degree of geological aptitude; as it’s much easier to explore along the more populated coast than it is to venture inland. There may be more hiding in the interior of the country, it’s just that no one’s looked as of yet. That’s difficult. Exploring along the coast is much easier.
With 3 basins supposedly proven to have working petroleum systems; 22 wells have been drilled and the majority are said to have encountered hydrocarbons with some wells testing production at 75 barrels of oil per day of light sweet crude oil. This has yet to be documented or confirmed by the Korea Oil Exploration Corp (KOEC), North Korea’s state-run oil company.
Yeah, our work was definitely cut out for us.
It was decided that a series of excursions offshore in one of the few remaining seaworthy, which was a real judgment call, KOEC seismic boats would be appropriate. The one we received use of was an old, decommissioned Chamsuri-class patrol boat, one Chamsuri-215(참수리-215), PKMR-215 in particular.
It had been basically stripped to the gunwales and completely retrofitted as a seismic acquisition and recording vessel. It had been renamed: “조선 민주주의 인민 공화국 영광” or “Glory of Democratic People's Republic of Korea Science”.
In reality, it was an aging rust-bucket piece of shit that might have possibly seen better days but wasn’t letting on. All the military nonsense, except the powder magazine, had been removed and a new superstructure consisting of slap-dash hunks of poorly-welded low-carbon, cold-rolled steel were erected to form a pilothouse in the area where the bridge once existed. They also built, extra haphazardly, a shooter’s room, galley, cold and wet storage areas, recording room, and storage of tapes and the extra bits and pieces needed for a none-too-extended stay on the sea. It was, being charitable, almost utilitarian.
They could not make their own water, so trip times were limited to about three days in length. Besides, they didn’t really have a hot galley, so it was cold, canned Chinese chow for the next 72 hours. They had a couple of fairly sturdy yardarms with heavy winches to handle the towed seismic arrays of geophones, which were of ancient heritage and showed it. These were probably appropriated back in the 80s or perhaps earlier when they first thought about opening their waters for seismic exploration.
They ‘borrowed’ most of the sensing and recording equipment back then from oilfield service companies and simply forgot to return it once finished. Since they burned that bridge so glowingly, they couldn’t get parts nor service when things failed. Being delicate seismic sensing and recording equipment, fail they did.
So, we had to use what was leftover, or what DPRK industries could cobble together, or what could be salvaged from salt-water drenched recording equipment that hadn’t been too heavily cared for over the span of the last 50 years.
We weren’t terribly optimistic.
So, we load the good ship ‘Rorrypop’, as Viv christened the thing, and head out to the wilds of the Yellow Sea. It was an abbreviated foreign crew, as there was really nothing other than upchuck and curse me soundly for insisting the non-geophysical scientists came along.
Aboard were the two geophysicists, naturally; Volna and Activ. I was there stick-handling the logistics and hoping to help out with the geophysical signal source explosives.
Morse and Cliff, the two other geologists accompanied us on the trip, and Dax decided to go with me as he figured I’d have access to the best booze no matter where we went.
The remainder of the team, the geochemists, Erlan and Ivan, the geomechanic, Iskren, the PT, Joon, and the two REs, Viv and Grako, remained behind onshore at the hotel. They set forth cataloging what data was available; from what sources, it’s vintage, veracity, and usefulness.
Augean tasks, both. Not as fecaliferous as Hercules’ jobs, but still, they held their own rations of shit for each sub-team.
Heading seaward, the Yellow Sea extends by about 960 km (600 mi) from north to south and about 700 km (430 mi) from east to west; it has an area of approximately 380,000 km² (150,000 mi²⁾ and a volume of about 17,000 km³ (4,100 mi^3).[4] Its depth is only 44 m (144 ft) on average, with a maximum of 152 m (499 ft). The sea is a flooded section of the continental shelf that formed during the Late Pleistocene (some 10,000 years ago) as sea levels rose 120 m (390 ft) to their current levels. The depth gradually increases from north to south. The sea bottom and shores are dominated by sand and silt brought by the rivers through the Bohai Sea and the Yalu River. These deposits, together with sand storms are responsible for the yellowish color of the water referenced in the sea's name.
Being shallow, the Yellow Sea is more perturbed by the frequent seasonal storms of the region. The area has cold, dry winters with strong northerly monsoons blowing from late November to April. I was told that the summers are wet and warm with frequent typhoons between June and October; but now all we had to contend with were swelling seas, spraying saltwater, waggling waves, and a shivering, shimmying ship.
All the navigation, communications and other shiply duties were being handled by both members of the DPRK Coast Guard Auxiliary, mostly older guys who were of great and high humorous jest; and an actual pleasure to be around. They were like their scientific cadre on this cruise, basically a political ‘give a shit’ attitude, and a desire to get the job done, smoke the American’s cigars and drink as much as we could get away with.
The scientific portion of the cruise was being undertaken by students of the various universities and members of the North Korean national oil company. The demeanors of these characters ranged from extremely earnest and stringently North Korean politically correct in the students and academicians, to a more relaxed ‘yeah, let’s just get the fucking job done so we can have a lot of drinks’ sort of view of the older members of the DPRK scientific team.
It was a fun admixture of cultures, ages, professions, and behaviors.
Oh, forgive me for forgetting to mention our ‘guides’, or handlers. They were also chosen, nay, ordered to come along. Landlubbers all, they were less than thrilled with the assignment and inevitable seasickness; which seemed endemic to those of Oriental extraction on the cruise. However, our guides did enjoy drinking. As we learned that alcohol is a central part of Korean culture, and they encouraged us to socialize with them when the time was appropriate.
Or, not appropriate, as I was being denounced by one of the geophysical students after only a few hours into our very first day. Hell, we weren’t even in the Yellow Sea proper. We started here at Pyongyang, down the Taedong River, over the Giva Dam, through Pushover, across Shmoeland, to the stronghold of Shmoe; into the very belly of the frothing Yellow Sea.
Most everyone, other than the foreign elements on board, were either making the trip in the bowels of the ship; nursing and cursing seasickness; or by rail, doing exactly the same thing.
“Chum it over the side, ya’ blinkered mucker!”, I admonished one bottle-greenish national. “This ain’t the Captain‘s mess, Chuckles. You have to clean up your own spew!”
I was reveling in getting back out on the water and regaining my sea legs. I never get seasick.
Never.
Ever.
Be it a seismic vessel in the heaving Arctic Ocean, a pirogue in the swamps of Louisiana, my cousin’s fishin’ johnboat back in northern Baja Canada, a US nuclear submarine under the permanent pack ice of the North Pole, or VLCC in the Straits of Somaliland; I just don’t get seasick.
Airsick? Nah. Carsick? Nope. Ready to puke in a Hind-20 over the Caspian Sea during a strong local thunderstorm? Close, but no cigar.
So, I’m doing a Titanic scene recreation. Up in the very bow of the craft, standing in stark defiance of the gusting winds and blowing salt spray, smoking a huge cigar, and totting out of one of my emergency flasks while trying to hang on to my Stetson. I am also endeavoring to remain upright, field vest and really, really ghastly Hawaiian shirt billowing in the breeze.
I’m not certain if it was the cigar smoke, the wind-whipped beard, and hair, the give a fuck attitude, or the flapping of the Hawaiian shirt to which the little local geophysicist objected. But he was pissed. Olive-green with seasickness, rubber-kneed but still standing a good social-distance away, reading me the riot act in high-pitched Korean.
As I usually do in such delicate situations, I just smile and wave. Show them I’m mostly harmless and they either cool down or get pissed off even more and stomp off in disgust.
Either one was a winning situation for me in my book.
So, I return to doing my ship’s figurehead imitation and revel in the wind, spray, and feeling of really being booming. Sure, some might complain of the cold, but not me, the sting of the salt-spray or the windburn; but I eschew what most people enjoy as ‘normal weather’. I live for pushing the boundaries. I love rough weather and situations that thrust the edge of the envelope further past normalcy.
Besides, we were still in sight of land. Hell, if everything went south at this very minute, one could practically walk back to shore. I can hardly wait to see what these wigglers will do if a night storm comes up when were 100 or more kilometers from land.
The boat’s thrumming heavily from both the thrust of the Soviet-era diesel engines and the craft’s bludgeoning its way through the waves. Most hull designs are so the ship will ‘cut’ through the surface waters. This craft’s flattened trihedral hull design didn’t so much ‘cut’, as ‘slam’ it’s way through. The boat would then crash up one side and smash down the other of each large wave we encountered. The boat would shudder whole, adding a new note of resonance along with the monotonous one-note song of the aged Russian diesels.
The spray would fly, the boat would convulse, time would seem to freeze until we bashed into the next wave. The captain of the vessel took his orders very seriously. “Get to coordinates XXX and YYY by the most expedient means possible.” If that meant charging, full-throttle into the teeth of the oncoming monsoon-force wind while we were traversing the worst kelp jungle I’ve seen this side of the Sargasso Sea; well, piss on it, full steam ahead.
“Fuck it”, I thought, “Not my pony, not my show. Let’s see how this plays out.” While I light a new cigar and search for Emergency Flask #2.
After I’d been upbraided by the geophysical student for transgressions still unknown, Cliff and Dax wander out to ask me what the hell I was up to.
“Have you gone completely barmy?”, Cliff asked. “It’s a full gale out here and you’re standing in the teeth of it like it was a warm, sunny Sunday in Piccadilly.”
“Nope, not at all”, I replied, “Just reveling in the delights of an angry atmosphere.”
“He’s nuts, I told you”, Dax smirked, “He’d go anywhere and do anything to have a cigar.”
“Not just a cigar, me old mucker”, I smiled and waved my second emergency flack under his nose.
“Figures”, they both respond in unison.
Dax departs and returns mere seconds later with paper Dixie-style cups he liberated from the ship’s one head. We are going to do our very best to extend the lifetime of the onboard water supply for our scientific and military friends. I pour them each a cup full.
“Whoa, Doc”, that’s gotta be 100 milliliters!” Cliff objects.
“As the Siberian saying goes: One hundred versts, roughly a hundred miles, is no distance. A hundred rubles isn't worthwhile money. And a hundred grams of vodka just makes you thirsty. Prosit!” I say in reply.
We retire to the overhang on the fantail of the boat. It’s a sunshade and keeps the worst of the weather out for the lightweights on the cruise. I decided we’d withdraw there to keep these Dominionites out of the worst of the wind and sea spray.
“Rock”, Cliff notes, “You are a complete throwback. You do not belong here in the 21st century. You need to find a way back to the Calabrian and ride herd on the continental Neanderthals. Give them the gift of distilling and tobacco agriculture, and you’d reframe the world.”
Dax agrees, but notes if I do find a way back, he and Cliff would be selected against.
“Good point”, Cliff agrees. “Rock, stay here. We need your expertise now more than ever. Plus your ready supply of strong drink and cigars.”
“Glad to know that I’m truly appreciated around these parts.” I chuckled slightly acridly.
“Ah, Rock. Buck up. You know we’re only takin’ a piss.” Cliff says.
“Aim it starboard. Don’t want it blowin’ all over the seismic gear”, I reply, laughingly.
The trip continued, and I found a not-bolted-to-the-deck chair and moved it outside under the shade back by the boat’s fantail. I refreshed my emergency flasks and replenished my cigar supply. I’m not about to sit inside and listen to the wails and gnashing of teeth of the landlubber crowd, the patter and timor of the geophysical throng as they titter and argue about array design, nor the military hut-hutting all over the fucking boat.
A couple of times, one or more of our ‘handlers’ would venture out as I had the only supply of readily available smokeables and drinkables. Oh, we had food, lots of beer, soju, some knock-off vodka, and some of that faux homebrew bourbon for later once the workday was declared over; but for now, I was the one and only dispensary.
We’d have some random chats while they screwed up their courage to ask me for a smoke or a tot of drink. I brought several bundles of really cheap-ass cigars for just such occasions; besides, I figured one of my Camacho triple-maduros would have them chumming for the remainder of the trip. I had also many, many cartons of Sobranie pastel-colored cigarettes, and many more cartons of knock-off Marlboros I bought at the duty-free when we hit town.
It was chucklingly funny to see these harsh, military, no-nonsense characters walking their duty beats smoking pastel green, lavender, and mauve cigarettes.
We got bogged down a couple of times when one or more of the ship’s twin screws fouled with kelp as we tried to put some distance between us and the shore. Each time, one really dejected low-ranking young Coast Guard character would go over the side with a rope around his waist and a knife in his hand to free the props. I was going to object as this was moronically dangerous; but, again, not my pony, not my show. This called for full proper tethering and SCUBA gear.
They had neither aboard.
Welcome to the wonders of a centrally planned economy.
To be continued.

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